Assistant Manager Kim Hates Idols-Chapter 317: University Festival (4)

“I heard about the PD’s power abuse.”
Lee Soohoon broke the silence. Lee Cheonghyeon’s eyebrows twitched.
“So? Are you going to tattle to Mom and Dad like Lee Kangmyeong did? All while pretending to care by giving me a few clothes?”
Lee Cheonghyeon shot back.
“But you’re a little too late. That guy is scheduled to go to jail soon. So you can’t use ‘it’s dangerous’ as an excuse; he’ll be isolated from society, so it’s fine.”
Lee Soohoon couldn’t say a word.
Lee Cheonghyeon didn’t continue either. Instead, after looking at his silent brother, he reached for the car door handle as if to leave.
“I was worried.”
A single phrase from Lee Soohoon made Lee Cheonghyeon’s hand freeze mid-air just as he was about to grip the handle.
“They said there was an accident. You weren’t the one injured, but it must’ve been hard for you, too. So…”
“Since when were you the kind of person who worries about things like that? From when? Did I look comfortable to you when I was at home?”
His pent-up feelings came pouring out.
“I’m so sick of it. I hate Dad for meeting my fellow member behind my back, and I hate you for suddenly playing the part of the concerned older brother.”
“…”
“Just ignore me like you always do. You told me to leave, so I left, so why are you chasing me down now to say something? Am I that much of a thorn in your side?”
“I came because I feel sorry about that.”
At Lee Soohoon’s words, Lee Cheonghyeon’s expression twisted. It was a look of utter confusion.
“I realized you must have thought you couldn’t even tell your family about such a big incident. That our entire family had lost your trust so completely that you believed we wouldn’t even ask if you’re okay.”
“…If you know that, then just act like you always have. I don’t expect anything from our family anymore.”
Lee Cheonghyeon’s words pierced Lee Soohoon like daggers.
It wasn’t that Lee Soohoon expected anything from his family either. But there was a vast difference in the weight of resentment between someone who was simply indifferent and someone who, after a long period of waiting, had become sorrowfully resigned to expecting nothing.
“You don’t have to expect anything. But let me worry.”
“Why? So you can find an excuse to nag me relentlessly about my safety again? Until I lose my mind?”
“At the very least, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
Lee Soohoon was being sincere. He had never thought of their family as particularly close, but he believed they weren’t the kind to actively wish for one of their own to fail.
That naive thought struck a nerve in Lee Cheonghyeon.
“If you were so worried about my safety, then why didn’t you even come out to look for me when I left home?”
“I did go out. But you were gone, so…”
“Right. So you just went back inside, didn’t you?”
Lee Cheonghyeon said with a cynical sneer.
“When I was running around in the mountains, my member hyung packed a bag and chased after me just to catch me. He said he ran all the way up the mountain trail. Do you think he had some grand reason back then?”
The memory of that day was still vivid for Lee Cheonghyeon. The day Kim Iwol, whom he had barely known, had chased after him with an unreadable expression.
“He chased after me, asking what would happen if I got hurt. What would he do if I ran around recklessly in the mountains without any safety gear.”
The sorrow that had been piled up, layer by layer, finally burst because of a small memory like this.
“What’s the point of having a family if they’re worse than my members? You’re all just waiting for me to fail, aren’t you? So that I’ll give everything up and just do what you say! I know the situation perfectly well, so why should I have to accept these empty words of concern? If I grew up without love, am I supposed to be happy just to receive a tiny bit of attention? I don’t need your attention or your concern, so don’t give it to me like it’s charity!”
Lee Cheonghyeon seethed, struggling to catch his breath. Looking at his younger brother glaring at him with a flushed face, Lee Soohoon lowered his gaze.
“…You’re right.”
Lee Soohoon acknowledged Cheonghyeon’s words. For Lee Soohoon, who had never said anything incorrect in his life, this statement was the same as admitting he had been wrong all along.
‘What’s with him?’
Lee Cheonghyeon thought. He had never seen this side of Lee Soohoon before in his life. The fact threw him into confusion.
“Our family was cruel to you.”
“…”
“I can’t wrap it up and call it love, but no one actually wishes for you to fail.”
Lee Soohoon said it calmly.
This hyung really believes that. As soon as that thought occurred to him, Lee Cheonghyeon crumbled.
“Do you really think that?”
“Of course…”
Lee Soohoon raised his head.
Before him, his younger brother was crying.
“Hyung, you really don’t know anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you know that Lee Kangmyeong calls me a pathetic piece of sh*t?”
He didn’t know.
But he couldn’t say it. Lee Cheonghyeon looked too heartbroken.
“Did you know he calls me a beggar? Says I must enjoy being insulted online all the time. You call that concern?”
The brothers’ relationship wasn’t smooth. Lee Soohoon had thought of it as merely ‘distant.’
But Lee Cheonghyeon’s resentment ran deep. Especially toward his younger brother.
“He says he won’t live without a plan like me. He curses and mocks me every time he sees my face. He says I acted all high and mighty, trying this and that after getting all the praise I could, only to end up as an idol. That’s why he sent Dad the performance video, to show him what a fool I was making of myself. Are those the words of someone who’s worried about me? Do you really think that?”
Lee Soohoon was at a loss for words. He could only watch silently as a sorrow of unfathomable depth overflowed.
“You think I actually like you or Lee Kangmyeong? I can’t stand the sight of both of you either!”
Lee Cheonghyeon shouted. Tears dripped from the tip of his chin.
“But even then, I never called you a tin-headed idiot, or call Lee Kangmyeong an ill-mannered, rude little brat.”
“…”
“Because that’s not what siblings are supposed to say to each other. So I never said it, but why…”
Lee Cheonghyeon buried his face in his hands and cried. Lee Soohoon hesitated, wondering if he even had the right to comfort his brother.
But he couldn’t just watch him cry.
Lee Soohoon carefully placed a hand on Cheonghyeon’s shoulder. Thinking it couldn’t be helped even if he was pushed away, he slowly stroked his shoulder in a patting motion.
Lee Cheonghyeon, who had poured out all the anger he had suppressed as if he were a different person.
And yet, because he was kind-hearted by nature, wanted to be comforted, and was so emotionally exhausted that he needed someone to soothe him. He quietly accepted Lee Soohoon’s comforting touch.
He was just as Lee Soohoon had known him: the soft-hearted younger brother he had worried might have been taken advantage of.
“If you’re really sorry, then go scold Lee Kangmyeong.”
Lee Cheonghyeon said without lifting his head.
“Tell him… to apologize… for the awful things he said to me.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to him.”
Only after hearing Lee Soohoon’s answer did Lee Cheonghyeon burst into loud sobs. He clutched the handkerchief Lee Soohoon had given him and wept his heart out.
* * *
After the wave of tears passed, an awkward silence remained. Fiddling with the handkerchief, Lee Cheonghyeon looked at the floor and asked.
“Hyung, do you like what you’re studying now?”
“I’ve never really thought about whether I like it or not.”
In the past, Lee Cheonghyeon had always found this side of his brother difficult to deal with. Because he could never tell what he was thinking.
But today was a little different.
“What about the university? This was your first choice, wasn’t it?”
“I don’t know.”
His brother looked rather… pitiful.
“I never considered anywhere else in the first place, so I can’t really say. I didn’t have any other options besides here.”
“Why didn’t you have other options? With your grades.”
“Father’s old professor teaches here..”
It was the first time he was hearing this. The tears he thought might have been left over dried up instantly.
“You didn’t know?”
“Isn’t it weirder to know something like that?”
“I guess so. Anyway, Father wanted me to learn under the same professor.”
Lee Soohoon’s major was also chemistry. With an expression that was hard to describe, Lee Cheonghyeon asked.
“…You decided to follow the exact same career path as Dad? Even joining the same professor’s lab?”
“It’s not so much that I decided, but more that it’s just turning out that way.”
“Why?”
“Father always regretted not becoming a professor.”
“Dad’s dream was to be a professor?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why did he suddenly switch to being a teacher? Don’t you need a separate license for that?”
“He said he gave up his studies and came back to Korea when he decided to marry Mother. To become a professor in Korea, you have to start as a part-time lecturer, and Mother was often away on business trips and seminars, she couldn’t be home much… so Father decided to take care of us. That’s probably why he went back to graduate school for education.”
“I’m not curious about Mom and Dad’s love story.”
Even though he said it defiantly, he couldn’t completely let Soohoon’s words go in one ear and out the other.
He remembered coming home after a few tutoring sessions to a dinner prepared by either the housekeeper or his dad. He also remembered his dad, who came home late, turning off his bedroom light instead of his mom, who often came home in the dead of night.
But…
“You’re doing what Dad tells you to do just because of that?”
“It’s not like there’s anything I desperately want to do. Whatever I picked, it probably wouldn’t have made much difference.”
Lee Soohoon remained expressionless. Once, that expression had been what made him so difficult to approach.
When did they stop talking to each other? They didn’t find it hard to talk to each other when they were very young.
Looking at the quiet Lee Cheonghyeon, Lee Soohoon said.
“That’s why I couldn’t understand it when you said you were going to be an idol.”
“…”
“Father didn’t decide your university for you, and he even let you play the piano instead of just studying, so I wondered why you had so many things you wanted to do. I thought, aren’t you already living your life doing everything you want to?”
Now, understanding Lee Soohoon’s perspective, he felt sorry for him. In Lee Soohoon’s eyes, Lee Cheonghyeon must have truly been a free spirit.
“But just because I think this way, that doesn’t mean you have to as well.”
Lee Soohoon muttered the fact he had belatedly realized as if talking to himself. To Lee Cheonghyeon, those words only sounded sad.
“My thoughts haven’t changed. I don’t think I have an obligation to fulfill Dad’s dream just because he gave up on it. Gratitude and obedience are two different things.”
“Right.”
“…Are you okay, hyung?”
Lee Cheonghyeon asked. Lee Soohoon looked at him.
“Are you happy living like this?”
It was a heartfelt concern. Probably the same kind of concern Lee Soohoon had felt when he came carrying that shopping bag to find his brother.
“Yeah.”
Lee Soohoon gave a faint smile.
“It’s not hard. You don’t have to worry.”
Lee Cheonghyeon stared intently at his brother, who bore a striking resemblance to their father.
A person who liked to sit quietly and study, was blunt, only said what he wanted to say, and had a one-dimensional way of thinking.
And, a person whose smile, which he didn’t show often, was quite nice.
Lee Cheonghyeon let out a dry chuckle. Then, he took the shopping bags his brother had been clutching into his own hands.