Leave Me Alone, Big Brothers! [BL]-Chapter 76: His Insecurity

Chapter 76: His Insecurity
Tonight’s dinner was unlike any other. They were all gathered together, and although they seemed normal and were chatting, Nathan felt a slight chill in the air. Especially since Nael wasn’t talking at all. Usually, he was the chatty one. This time, even when Lucas gave him extra broccoli, he remained silent.
And everyone else seemed normal. He felt strange. It was as if they were hiding something. But he didn’t say anything either, only responding occasionally when asked a question. He was still upset because Alexander and the others had provided false informations about his background, but seeing the current atmosphere, he didn’t want to talk about it.
After dinner, they all immediately returned to their respective activities. Malvin insisted on accompanying him to study, but he refused. He had finished all his homework, and he wanted to sleep early because tomorrow he wanted to prepare his lunch to take to school. He had promised Zane.
Meanwhile, Jack, who had spent the entire day vibrating with anxiety, let out a visible sigh of relief when Alexander told him to rest. He bowed respectfully as the man entered the room.
He turned around, slightly surprised to see Louis coming.
"Oh, hey, you’re not done for the day yet?" Jack greeted him.
Louis looked anxious, his face clearly restless. "Well, Boss asked me to come."
Jack looked a little serious. "Problem?"
Louis shook his head immediately. "No. Actually, I don’t know..."
Jack patted Louis on the shoulder before walking away. "Okay, good night!"
Louis took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A few moments later, he opened it when he heard Alexander tell him to come in. With his heart pounding, he stepped inside.
Alexander seemed about to go to the bathroom, but instead he sat down on the sofa with a long sigh, as if he wanted to release all the burdens on his shoulders.
Louis stood a few meters away from the sofa, looking down. "You called me?"
Alexander nodded. "You know your job is to look after Nael. And now, Nathan too."
Louis swallowed hard, as if he knew what Alexander wanted to say. "Yes, boss."
"Your duty includes understanding what’s going on when I can’t watch them myself. I need to know everything."
Louis nodded. "I’m sorry. I missed something with Nael. He often came home late because he said he had group assignments, and I didn’t suspect anything. I’m sorry. I thought it was—"
"Don’t assume things. You need to always it to me."
Louis looked down, feeling guilty. He heard Nathan talked about Nael’s boyfriend. Meanwhile, he had never heard the boy talk about a lover. But luckily he ed it, otherwise, who knows.
"I’m sorry."
"I hope there will be no more apologies. If it’s too late, or something happens to Nael or Nathan while they are on your watch, I will kill you," Alexander said.
Louis looked pale, still looking down. "I promise it will never happen again."
Alexander looked at Louis, who appeared calm but had a restless, pale face, then sighed.
"Please tell me if you feel you can’t manage them. They are my everything. I will not entrust them to someone who has no sense of responsibility."
Louis looked at Alexander. The man’s face looked unfriendly at the moment. He knew Alexander could fire him at any time, even kill him if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to lose this job. He had a lot to achieve, and he didn’t want to give it up just like that.
He immediately knelt down. "Please, don’t fire me. I promise it will never happen again. I will inform you of whatever happens. I will protect them with my soul."
At that moment, there was a knock on the door.
Alexander sighed. "I will not fire you, but I expect better effort in the future."
Louis nodded quickly. "Yes."
"You can get out."
Louis stood up and bowed respectfully before leaving the room.
Louis paused in the doorway when he saw Huan. He looked at him with pursed lips, like a younger brother ing to his older brother that he was in trouble.
Without a word, Huan knew what had happened. He simply smiled encouragingly, because he too had his own battle to face.
Louis walked quickly away while Huan still held the door open.
"Can I come in?" Huan asked, peeking through the doorway.
"Come in!" Alexander said, but then he went to the bathroom.
Huan stepped into the middle of the room. He stood there, waiting.
After a long, blistering shower, Alexander emerged in a silk robe, the steam from the bathroom curling around him like a shroud. He poured himself a glass of neat scotch, the amber liquid trembling slightly in the light.
Alexander walked past him without a word, his face a mask of iron. He was beyond "bad mood" territory.
Huan stood there, still noticeably pale, his posture perfect but his eyes betraying a profound exhaustion. He looked like a man who had been hollowed out.
"I’m sorry to disturb you. But I need to that the one who spied on the docks has been caught. Jack informed me of what happened today, and he fixed many things."
Alexander sat on the sofa, staring at Huan. "Good. Anything else?"
"Nothing that requires your immediate attention," Huan replied. Many problems had occurred, but he was confident he could solve them without adding to Alexander’s troubles.
He hesitated, his fingers twitching at his side. "I am... capable of standing by your side again tomorrow. I apologize for the lapse in my duties today."
Alexander took a slow sip of his drink. "No problem. I’m the one who asked you to rest." He looked at Huan again, intently. "You okay?"
Huan nodded. "Yes, I’m okay. Thanks."
Alexander sighed. "Well, you can go. Take a rest."
Huan was silent, staring intently at Alexander. It was rare for the man to send him away; he spent more nights there than in his own room. Even when he went to his room, it was only when Alexander had something important to do there, or when he insisted on sleeping alone.
But never had he been asked to leave and rest in his room. Last night was enough, and this time Alexander still seemed reluctant to let him stay.
Huan didn’t move. The silence stretched between them. "I... would like to stay here tonight," Huan whispered.
Alexander finally looked up. His gaze was cold, like a shuttered window. "No. It’s okay. Go back to your room."
Huan felt a chill run through his veins. "Alex... you recruited me for this, years ago. To accompany you. To make sure you didn’t have to sleep alone, to avoid your nightmares."
"That was then," Alexander said flatly. He turned toward the balcony, dismissing him. "Things have changed. The kid is here now. Nathan is in the house. I should be fine."
But he wasn’t. He couldn’t sleep well last night.
Huan knew he had made a mistake. A small mistake that made their relationship feel like a glass that could shatter at any moment.
He shouldn’t have played with the man’s feelings. Even though Alexander seemed perfect on the outside, almost cruel at times, he had vulnerabilities.
And Huan had just touched that vulnerable side.
Even though it was just a small temptation, for Alexander, who had abandonment issues, it felt like a big deal.
If a normal man saw a hint of betrayal, he might try to find out what happened and hold on if it was just a misunderstanding. But for Alexander, if he saw even a hint of betrayal, he would cut it off completely.
To avoid feeling abandoned.
"Alex," Huan said, his voice trembling as he stepped closer to the sofa. "Don’t do this to me. I’m sorry I lied to you about it. But it should be harmless. I will never betray you."
Alexander sighed. "We talked about it. I forgave you. I need to start sleeping alone. Don’t worry about it. You can go. I need to rest."
"Please," Huan’s voice broke, the professional ’aide’ mask finally shattering. He dropped to one knee beside the sofa where Alexander sat, not out of protocol, but out of a desperate need to be anchored. "Don’t do this. I know I triggered the one thing you hate most. But I will never leave you. I cannot leave you."
Alexander didn’t look down at him. He knew that if he did, he would see the genuine devotion in Huan’s eyes, and that was the most dangerous thing in the world. To Alexander, being loved was a liability; it gave someone the power to leave him behind.
"I’ve told you, it has nothing to do with you," Alexander said coolly, his heart a frantic, caged beast behind his ribs. "I just need the space."
Huan looked up, staring at Alexander. He knew the man was lying. He had seen for himself how Alexander had cut some people off for no reason other than that they couldn’t offer loyalty.
And now the man was cutting him off.
If he let it happen, he would lose the man completely. And Alexander wasn’t the kind of person to beg someone to stay. He would never do that.
But Huan loved that man, and he didn’t want to lose him.
"Forgive me," Huan begged, reaching out to touch the hem of Alexander’s robe, his hand shaking. "It hurts me so much when you treat me like a stranger. When you look at me and see only an employee. Don’t push me into the dark just because I poked at your pride. I’m so sorry, Alex. Please... forgive my insolence."
Alexander closed his eyes, his knuckles white. He wanted to reach out and pull Huan into his lap; he wanted to bury his face in Huan’s neck and forget the coldness of the world. But the fear was stronger. The fear whispered that if he forgave him now, the next time Huan left, even for a day, it would destroy him.
Alexander loved Huan too deeply. What happened last time made him realize he would go insane if Huan truly left him. He didn’t want this feeling of dependence to grow any stronger. He wasn’t ready for Huan to leave him. He just needed time, to kill his feelings, to rebuild his defenses.
"Huan, what is wrong with you?" Alexander asked, his voice a low, pained growl. "I won’t fire you. I’m fine. I don’t ’need’ anyone."
"You’re lying," Huan whispered, looking up at him with raw, burning eyes. "You’re terrified. Please, don’t punish me for being the only one who sees the man behind the wall."
Alexander sat in a long, agonizing silence. He felt the pull of Huan’s presence, the familiar, grounding scent of him, the absolute loyalty that had been his only constant for a decade.
But again, he needed to push it away. For his safety.
"Go to your room, Huan," Alexander said, his voice softer now, but no less firm.
Huan stayed on the floor for a long moment, his head bowed. He knew Alexander was retreating into his fortress, and there was no way to force the gates open. Slowly, he stood up, his face pale and heart aching.
"As you wish...
Master
," Huan murmured. His feelings were unsettled. All day he had been unable to calm down, anxiety coiling tightly in his chest.
He had lost Alexander, his beloved.
He turned and walked toward the door. Just as his hand touched the handle, Alexander spoke one last time without turning around.
"And Huan?"
"Yes?" A small hope remained.
"Good night. Don’t forget to lock your door."
Huan paused, a tiny, bittersweet spark lighting in his chest. Alexander wasn’t letting him stay, but he was making sure Huan was safe. It was Alexander’s way of saying he still cared, even if he couldn’t say the words.
Huan nodded. He stepped out into the hallway, leaving Alexander alone with his ghosts.