The Deadliest Lifeform in the Universe Loves Me-Volume 3: Gamma-12, Chapter 3.20

The Deadliest Lifeform in the Universe Loves Me-Volume 3: Gamma-12, Chapter 3.20

After spending a couple days with our investigation team, we wanted to see which friends we made back on
Bliss-87
had followed us to
Leisure-21
. We were sad to discover Kurgg and Nadresh transferred somewhere else, but Glemsh and Tyarm—the hoverball couple we played in the finals of the daily tournament, they were on the same tour as us, so we decided to grab some lunch together.
We met up at some exotic seafood place with wildly alien sushi—all vibrant tentacles and big fisheyes. I had to say I was a little leery about eating it, but as always, the alien cuisine proved to be inexplicably delicious.
Glemsh and Tyarm appeared to be the same race of alien, but they were different colors—made me wonder if they belonged to different subraces like what we had back on Earth; white, black, Asian, etcetera. I wondered if once a race made it out to the stars if those little differences stopped mattering so much to the people. Glemsh was red with a mostly human face, but with short spiky tentacles for hair, with fleshy tentacles for a beard. Tyarm was purple with longer purple tentacles for hair, and similarly human features. They definitely had mostly aquatic features, but it seemed like they might’ve had a little mammalian DNA in the mix too—an interesting combination, I was learning there really were endless evolutionary possibilities out in the Empire.
Glemsh and Tyarm turned out to be quite the active couple, and they went on to play in another hoverball tournament the day after we played, and they finally won it for themselves too. After that success, they continued on down the list of other sports available on the vacation stations. They played blurts, which was some strange mix of bowling and pool. Jet-casting which was a race on the water with some hover-jet roller-skates. Kinch, which was like an anti-gravity cornhole. And then they tried their hand at golf.
I flinched back in surprise, “I’m sorry I don’t think I heard you right, did you say
golf
?”
Glemsh and Tyarm exchanged a look—confused by
my
confusion, and they just nodded. “Well yeah, golf; it’s quite the popular game across the Empire.” Glemsh chuckled and shook his head, “I’m not very good at it, but it can be quite relaxing—when you don’t whiff your swing.”
Tyarm tilted her head to the side, “Have you never heard of golf before?”
I waved my hands out quickly, trying to get a grasp at what I was hearing—Eve was no help, giggling beside me like she thought it was the funniest thing in the world, “No—I mean
yes
, I’ve heard of golf.” I shook my head, “I’m actually a probationary citizen with the Empire, my world hasn’t developed beyond their solar system.” I held my hands out in a presenting manner, “And yet we have golf.”
Now
the couple seemed to share in my surprise, “You’re kidding? An underdeveloped world still bound to their system, but they have golf?” Tyarm pressed.
Glemsh nodded along, “And it’s the same as I described with the clubs and the ball and the gravity alterations—”
I waved again to cut him off, “We don’t have any anti-gravity courses or floating greens or whatever like they do here, but other than that it’s all pretty much the same.” I confirmed.
Eve trilled a little giggle and squeezed my hand, “We just had this discussion back on
Bliss-87
with some of our other friends how all evolved races are actually so wildly similar it’s downright shocking.”
I nodded along, “Everyone having an ancient Rome in their history is one thing, but fucking golf?”
Glemsh and Tyarm found me incredibly amusing, laughing to themselves over my surprise, “Adam, you’re so delightfully unreserved.” Tyarm settled down with a sigh, “Tell me, how did you end up out in the Empire away from your home planet?”
I shrugged, “Slavers made a pass through our system many years ago, set to sell me and some other humans as oddities in the Empire, I guess. We were found and freed rather quickly, but I’d been so interested in the Empire and all this technology I begged the authorities to allow me to stay out in space, and after getting paired up with some host family I was eligible to become a probationary citizen.” I told them my cover story easily.
Glemsh cocked his head to the side, “And no other humans asked to remain out in the Empire with you?”
I shook my head, “No, just me—I’m the only human in the entire Empire.” I shrugged again, “Everyone else had families back home waiting for them; I didn’t, so I was more than eager to leave Earth behind.”
“You don’t miss it?” Tyarm inquired.
“What’s to miss? They even have golf out here in the Empire.” I declared, and we all laughed together.
It was strange, I thought at some point people would find it odd I was a lone human in the Empire, coming from an underdeveloped world, but so far no one had ever treated me differently—no one aboard
The Radiance
, and none of the friends we met in the Holistia Nebula. It seemed like everyone in the Empire was just so freely accepting of all people—another point in favor for the Empire over Earth.
“So then how did you and Eve end up together?” Tyarm pressed.
Now it was Eve’s turn to embellish—and boy did she love it; it seemed like every time she told the story she added more and more details. She liked sprinkling a little truth in the mix, talking about how I resisted her convinced she would do something horrible to me—the deadly space alien, that always got a laugh. She even admitted how she tried to seduce me a few times—and nearly succeeded, but I held strong, which only made her want me more. Then she told them about our first real date—the actual story, taking the hover-car service, the circus-opera, and then that fancy restaurant. She told them how close it made us, how we finally lowered our walls to each other, how we let the romance in and blossom between us—she was such a softie it was adorable. She had such a wildly romantic side I found really sweet, but more than that other people seemed to like it too.
After we told our stories and had the alien couple hanging on our every word, Glemsh clapped his hands together as though he just came to an important decision, “Well we just really love your vibe, and we’d definitely love to meet up some more.” He smiled brightly, and his tentacle beard curled up a little, “What say we meet up for a round of golf soon—show us some of those earthling techniques.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “I’d be fine to play, but don’t expect anything from me; I’ve only played like twice—with rented clubs.”
Tyarm waved it off, “Oh don’t worry, we won’t get competitive over the game this time.” She smiled brightly, “We just want to spend more time with you two—such an
adorable
couple.”
We finished up lunch and continued on with our day, excited to be making more friends all over the vacation stations. I looked down at Eve as we rode the moving walkway around the golden fields, “Okay, you can’t tell me you aren’t connecting with friendly people like that.”
Eve shrugged, “It’s nice and I enjoy their company, but honestly in the grand scheme of things they mean nothing to me.”
I sighed, “Is that because you’re a more complex lifeform and consider those kinds of people lesser than you, or because you know you’ll outlive them all and feel like their short lives are fleeting?”
Eve tilted her head back and forth as she considered her answer, “Both maybe.” She looked up at me, eyes shimmering with that obsessive love again, “Or it’s just because my attention is so focused on you, it’s like they exist in my peripheral.”
I tugged on Eve’s hair tentacle playfully, and she threw me a cute pout, “What happened to trying to perceive things more like a human?”
Eve let out an angry huff, “You’ll need to give me more time darling; it’s not something I can change overnight.”
I pulled her into my embrace, and she melded right into me, “You know I have to be careful with my perception too; if I let my guard down it seems like you just end up consuming all my thoughts and attention—I end up losing myself in you.”
Eve looked up at me with a coy smile, “Is that such a bad thing?”
I quirked up an eyebrow, “Do you want me to be me, or do you want me to be some love-slave zombie?”
Eve looked in my eyes for a few silent moments, and I have to say it made me a little nervous she took time to come up with an answer. In the end she let out a quick sigh and shook her head, “No, I want you to be yourself.” She leaned up on her tiptoes to give me a tender kiss, “But I don’t think it would be so bad for you to lose yourself within me at least
sometimes
.”
I nodded at that, “So long as I can pull myself out of it, I suppose it would be okay to indulge every once in a while.”
Eve bit her lip in that cute way, “You know I
hate
it when you pull out.”
I rolled my eyes, “You keep saying that, but again, when do I
ever
pull out?”
Eve’s smile turned vicious, and her hair tentacles reached up to wrap around my chest, shoulders and neck possessively, “That’s my good boy…”
***
We took a break from our mission team friends to spend more time with Glemsh and Tyarm. It was nice hanging with people that thought we were just some normal couple, even nicer we knew they weren’t spies or Predazoan researchers with any ulterior motives. We met up the next day for a couple rounds of golf, and to my complete lack of surprise, I was absolutely shit. Glemsh and Tyram tried to help me out and give me pointers, but honestly it didn’t help at all. What made things worse was the only golf I ever played was obviously back on Earth where things were still complicated with standard gravity, but apparently for Imperial golf, every hole had a different gravity rating, so your strokes had to take into account how the ball would fly or roll differently depending on how strong the gravity was—and then the very next hole it would change to something completely different. It was honestly too much to keep track of for me; I didn’t find it relaxing at all.
Eve on the other hand was a natural, able to adjust for gravity with ease, and with her supercomputer brain could figure out the best trajectory no problem. She was also wildly strong, so she had no problem getting the ball on the green almost every time. Glemsh and Tyarm were so impressed I was actually getting a little worried Eve was playing a little too well, but she didn’t seem to care at all—happy to show off for me, teasing me at every hole, making hilarious innuendos all the while (holes and balls and all that silliness).
The next day we met up we decided to skip the sports and head to a nox-lounge, and as the name would imply it was a lounge where people sat around these large pipes and would take hits of some condensed nitrous oxide—not like dangerous whippets back on Earth, no this was all smooth and long lasting, and apparently incredibly safe; it was one of the most popular recreational leisure drugs in the Empire.
I giggled as I exhaled another puff of the refined nox, finding it to be like a mellow laughing gas kind of high, “Can’t believe they have this shit free out in the Empire.”
Tyarm giggled herself, “They don’t have nitrous oxide on Earth?”
I tried waving her off, but my arm felt too floaty to complete the gesture, “They do, but like you either get it at the dentist or like you take these little whippet things that fry your brain for the shortest high ever—totally not worth it.”
Eve held her pipe-hose but only took the occasional hit to keep up appearances; as a drug or toxin, it obviously didn’t have any effect on her, “Did you ever do nitrous back on Earth?” She asked me, calm as could be. She didn’t seem to be having as much fun now while everyone else was getting high and she was just pretending—almost like she was in a bad mood for some reason.
I shook my head, “No—well, at the dentist yeah. But as a medic I ran on this kid a couple times who totally fried his brain on whippets; I can’t imagine it would ever be worth it with the way he turned out.”
Glemsh let out a large puff of the sparkly, iridescent smoke, “Do they have many recreational drugs on your Earth?” He asked, his words slow and slurred.
I rocked back and forth as I tried to shrug, “Fuck yeah, it’s honestly a real problem.” I waved my pipe-hose around the lounge, “Are drugs a problem out in the Empire?”
Tyarm shook her head slowly, “No, not with our advanced medical technology; most races and civilizations develop all kinds of mind-alerting substances, but the Empire can refine them all to make them perfectly safe and prevent any form of addiction.”
“Holy shit.” My eyes grew wide, “So you can just, like, indulge in anything out in the Empire?”
Tyarm leaned forward to rub my bicep, “You could say that.” She said with a giggle.
“Adam, I think we should go.” Eve said abruptly.
I turned to Eve and saw her eyes were narrowed, teeth pulled back, a snarl just barely rising from her throat.
“Wait, what? Why?” I asked, my muddled brain finding it funny Eve was getting mad for no reason.
“Yeah, you guys should stay. Tyarm and I really dig your vibe.” Glemsh said with a low chuckle.
“Hey, we like your guy’s vibes too.” I said cheerfully.
“
Adam
!”
Tyarm scooted closer to me, leaning on my shoulder, “So, do you guys swap?”
“Swap what?”
“Adam, we’re leaving!” Eve snapped, pulling me up by the collar.
I pulled away from Eve and barely caught myself from falling to the floor, “What the fuck is going on with everyone?” I asked no one in particular.
Glemsh held his hands up peaceably, “Eve, Eve come on now, we don’t want you guys to be uncomfortable.” He gestured to his wife, “We’re willing to work out whatever you guys wanna do.”
Eve picked me back up and put me behind her as though she was protecting me from some threat, “We have no interest in sharing what we have together.” Eve growled.
Tyarm leaned back in her chair, trailing a hand lazily along her cleavage, “What about if the boys just watch? We could play together, just us two, give them a show.”
“No,
no one
touches me but Adam!” Eve insisted.
Glemsh shook his head slowly, “I’ll admit, Adam is a gorgeous man.” He nodded to Tyarm, “If you two wanted to team up on Adam, I would be fine sitting out.”
“Really?” Tyarm asked, sounding rather excited.
It was then I finally realized what was happening, and I broke out into a fit of hysterical giggles, “Holy shit, they’re
swingers
!
Alien
swingers!”
“Adam come on, we’re going
now
.” Eve insisted, pushing me out towards the door.
“Aw come on guys, be reasonable; we can figure something out, right?” Tyarm called out, sounding almost desperate.
“Oh fuck, I never got propositioned like that back on Earth, that shit is too funny.” I cackled madly as Eve dragged me along, pushing me through the door and out of the nox-lounge.
“It was
not
funny, we are never seeing those people again.” Eve spat on the ground as though she found it all disgusting, “The thoughts in their minds, clawing after us, wanting to invade our intimacy—I
hated
it.”
I stopped Eve from dragging me along, still finding it all wildly amusing, “Wait, aren’t you the one who wanted to fuck around with an audience—get weird with it?”
Eve narrowed her eyes at me, “This was different; they didn’t want to watch, they wanted to participate—they wanted to
possess
you.”
I waved towards her, “The girl said she wanted to fool around with you too.”
Eve crossed her arms, clearly upset I wasn’t taking this seriously, “I don’t mind what they think of me, I cared what they thought of you.” She shook her head, “As some rare prize to be conquered, the only human in the Empire—they didn’t even see you as a person!”
I smiled at that, “Oh shit, I think that’s my first time ever being looked at as like a sex object.”
“
Adam
!” Eve snapped, stomping her foot on the ground.
“Adam, Eve?” We heard a voice call and turned to see Tyarm and Glemsh making their way towards us.
Once again, Eve put me behind her, “You two stay away!”
Tyarm and Glemsh stopped a decent distance away, but they didn’t look offended or ashamed, they just looked confused.
“Sorry, but what tour are you guys on again?” Tyarm asked.
“Why does
that
matter?” Eve growled.
Again, the alien pair exchanged a confused look. “I get not being down to swap, but it shouldn’t exactly be unexpected to get propositioned; you’re on the Bliss-Indulgence tour, right?”
Now it was Eve’s turn to look confused, “And what the hell does that have to do with anything?”
I’m pretty sure everyone was about as confused as they could possibly be at this point, but suddenly it seemed like someone figured out what was going on; Tyarm’s face lit up like she finally realized where the confusion came from. She turned to her husband, “Honey, they said they’re on a
company
retreat right?”
Glemsh’s eyes grew wide as he realized what his wife was saying, “Holy shit, no way.” He said, then together he and his wife started cackling.
Eve bristled at their laughter and her tentacles started curling up, and as my mind was starting to clear I realized now it was time to put Eve behind me. “Guys, seriously, what the hell is going on?”
The alien couple finally settled down their laughter, waving us off, “Just, you might want to check in with the rest of your group, look at some of the upcoming vacation stations on the tour.” Gremsh.
Tyarm wiped a tear from her eye, “You’ll want to research the
Hedonism
stations specifically, find out what all they’re about.”
And with that the alien couple walked off together, having giggling fits that had nothing to do with the laughing gas.
I turned to Eve and saw she was just as confused as I was.
“Seriously, what the hell kind of tour package did mission command book for us?”

Volume 3: Gamma-12, Chapter 3.20