The Knight from the Fairytales

This world is weird.Too many kings. Countless princes. And way too many princesses.Fairytales sound beautiful—but in reality? Most of these princes and princesses seem to be out of their minds.They fall in love after one kiss. Lock eyes once, and it’s destiny.Wait—aren’t some of them still minors?! Especially the princesses!A lot of these stories seem to be “married first, fall in love later.”But whatever—it’s fairytales. Love at first sight is totally normal here.…But what do you mean I have to roleplay a child knight in a fairytale?Aren’t all fairytales the same? There shouldn’t be anything that different, right?Take this one story:A soldier gets a tinderbox, some gold, and demands the witch tell him how to use it.But why would you even want that thing?In the “official” version, the witch refuses to explain, so the soldier kills her.Another version? The witch tries to kill him first, and the soldier sees it coming and hacks her down.So now I, the so-called knight, have to help someone here?Help who? Help my a**—they’re both nuts!What’s worse?They’re both… kind of right.The witch uses the soldier to get the tinderbox.The soldier, unsure of her intentions, kills her in self-defense—Because once she gets it, she might unleash the three giant dogs inside on him.But then again, the soldier took the gold, kept the tinderbox, and killed the witch. Total loot-and-mu*der.And now you expect me to intervene?How?! I’m supposed to be a child knight, remember?!And this is just one story—there are tons more like it.Honestly?I think everyone here’s got a screw loose.And you want me to be their mediator?Yeah, no. They’re all crazy.