Walking Disasters and Me-A Sister’s Care – Ch 132

Walking Disasters and Me-A Sister’s Care – Ch 132

My mind stirs as my head lays on something warm and comfortable. The kind of comfort that
transcends
peace and care, the kind that soothes the
soul
and lulls you to sleep. Which, I nearly fall back into before I feel nails softly scratching against the roots of my hair. Lost in the pleasant sensations, I sleepily hum and tuck further into the calming presence like a baby seeking their mothers warmth.
As I'm basking in the glow of tranquility, a familiar voice laced with love rings softly in my ear, "You're so
cute
, baby girl~. I wish I could keep you in my lap
forever~
." My eyes spring open at the enchanting voice, heart swelling with relief and joy as I instinctually begin to climb and wrap around Sandra.
So oblivious and happy to feel her against me, to have that warmth
invade
my soul, I barely notice that we are at some park sitting on a bench overlooking a vast but empty playground. Full of jungle gyms, massive sets of towering structures connected by bridges and rails, poles and slides and pyramid topped towers. Some of painted metal, some of old wood that surely gives the little bastards splinters. Swing sets and swaying animal chairs. Teeter-totters and circular spinning discs with the metal bars for grip, the ones that your friends constantly keep spinning until you fly off and get a concussion. Well, your friends
or
a sister who sometimes loves to cause trouble.
Speaking of which, I pull my vision back to darkness as I press and nuzzle against the nape of her neck, her giggling laugh a purer and stronger medicine than anything any universe could offer me. "
Sandra...
" I whine as I lock my arms around her, both our bodies back to our adult state as she tightens her grip in turn. Her unique scent tickling my mind, hard to identify but stuck somewhere between freshness and love and home and purpose and belonging.
"Heya, cutie pie~." She giggles into my neck in turn, rocking us back and forth for a moment before pulling back. I do the same with a beating heart, our twin pools of honey staring longingly into each other before we slowly close the distance between our faces. Just as our lips touch, however, the space around us turns to the darkest of night as images and memories of Samantha's shocked and terrified face fill me. The sensation of my tongue forcing its way into her mouth as I slam her against the wall in savage delight at her suffering. The joy and pleasure from her writhing as I rake my nails down her-
"Aims! Shh, its okay! I'm right here! Just listen to my voice, breathe baby girl. Breathe." Sandra's voice pulls me back from the brink, her hands stroking against my tear stained cheeks as my breathing slowly returns from its unsteady and hyperventilating rhythm. My blurry vision sees the look of sudden shock on my sister, the knife bearing my initials digging deeper into my heart.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm
sorry!
"
I cry against her hands before she pulls me tight against her, like she alone can shelter me from whatever is causing me this pain and sorrow as her arms seal tight against my body.
"
Shh...
It's okay darling. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Just keep breathing, okay? In, and out. Good~. In, and out..." Eventually, she manages to coax me down from my attack, the night being replaced with the muted gray of a cloudy day. And exhaustion. We wordlessly sit on the bench, her rocking me side to side as she hums lullabies and sweetness that stings my soul to hear.
After my sniffling and fading sobs still to silence, she gently breaks the tension in the air. "I don't know exactly what happened, Amelia, but I promise I'm here for you. Whatever you did, no matter how wrong or vile you think it was, I will never leave you.
Nothing
is ever going to tear us apart again."
A faint second heartbeat near my center begins to beat, its tendrils of black beginning to writhe as I mutter out in defeat, "You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I did... If you were whole..."
The world stops. Time freezes. My breath turns to ice in my lungs as the entire universe is bathed in red. Angry, violent red that beats to the pulse of the universe, deeper and more savage than the level 4 Intent. I manage to look up, my eyes turning to dinner plates as I see the most vicious and feral snarl on my sister's face, though her eyes are directed toward my chest and not me. With hair rising in unseen wind and energy, she pushes me back just enough to stab her hand directly toward my heart, fear and confusion and betrayal pounding through my being before a wave of peace washes over me, the whispering voices silencing themselves.
I look down and to my shock her hand pulls out an inky black mass, sinewy tethers tying itself to my chest as I wince in pain. She notices my reaction, and a sneer more unhinged than I
ever
produced in my lost state sets on her lips as her growl shakes the ground beneath us. Her next words almost rip the very
foundation
of whatever reality we are in as they thunder out with the sound of drum and horn, the crash of cymbals and furious swell of music.
"I don't know who the
FUCK
you think you are,
rat
. But while my sister and I are together, you will
NOT
show your deformed and ugly face or spew your vile lies.
NOT
in my presence. While it is up to her to silence you for good at the moment, know that I
WILL
be there with her regardless to put an end to your PATHETIC existence. And if you
DARE
have the audacity to test me again, to invade our space with your hideousness, to try and drive a wedge between us, I will
KILL YOU MYSELF
!
Regardless of what it does to her in the immediate. Do you
hear
me?"
The spasming mass of rottenness struggles in vain against her grip, surprise wafting off it along with its putrid smell before it stills itself. As it does so, my mind finally clears nearly to what I was before I entered the stone room. Sandra looks to me, the unspoken question need not be asked between us as I nod and she relinquishes the grotesque blob, its defeated and angry will subsiding in full as it returns inside my chest.
Sandra exhales loudly, the maelstrom of energy and fractured reality slowly returning to normal as the sky returns to a soft blue and birdsong resumes. She opens her eyes, the harshness and vitriol gone. Replaced by sorrow and empathy directed entirely at me as she cups my face. "I'm so sorry, Aims. I don't know what happened to make that creature dig its roots into you, but I know its bad. It's another heart demon, right? Like those two we fought before?"
"Y-yeah..." I mumble out as I rub my chest, realization flashing within me. "But... I
deserve
it. Sandra..." My voice falters as tears slide down my cheeks and onto her fingers as I shut my eyes. "I did something so e-evil. So unforgiveable. To someone I l-love." The reasoning barely leaves my lips, like every letter and syllable pulls my teeth and slashes my tongue.
She stays silent as the tears fall anew, knowing without words that I need to keep going as her thumb strokes my wet cheek. My choking voice continues on as I lean against her hand with eyes still closed and arms wrapped around her, "I'm
so
scared, Sandra. Of myself. Of hurting anyone else. Of you
hating
me, leaving me alone like I should be. Of ruining what we have before it ever really
started
. And even though the person I hurt so badly *hic* even though she forgave me right afterwards, I just... I
can't
forgive myself for what I did. And its already tearing us apart! I can't even
kiss
you now! All I saw when our lips touched was me assaulting her all over again!"
Her silence drags on as I'm once again overwhelmed by my emotions, but ones purely my own this time. Even then, they hold the same note even if the strength behind them is marginally weaker. As she strokes my hair, my sobs once more fading into hiccups, then to heavy breaths, she speaks again. "First off? I will
never
leave you. Not when we
finally
have the chance to be what I've dreamt about for my
entire life
. Something that feels so
right
, like its my entire
reason
for being. I don't give a
shit
if you kill every person in the universe. Man, woman, and child. We'd definitely have some
words
about the matter, and I would do everything in my power to try and talk you out of doing that. But if I couldn't convince you otherwise, then I would be right there by your side, through
any
and
every
battle and slaughter."
Radiant fire lights in my soul as she speaks, a love like I've never known as her passion swells and grows along with the softer sound of music in the air that does the same. "Secondly, the fact that you're so scared of what you did means you didn't do it on purpose. And if she forgave you that quickly, that means she knows that too. And thirdly..."
She pauses as she leans back and lifts my head, my eyes reveling in the vibrant flame of blind devotion that alights in her eyes. My heart somersaulting inside my chest as her love nearly overwhelms me, "Even if I may not be all back together again, I know - without a shadow of a doubt - that I will
always
love you. That I will never
stop
loving you. No matter what
anyone
says, even your own
silly
brain. Even that mother
fucker
that we are going to rip out of your heart, root and stem. I.
Will
.
Always
.
Love you
."
Salty liquid again burns my eyes, my soul screaming out for her touch. To hold her and wrap her in a smothering embrace. To
accept
the love she is showering me with. But... "If..." I barely whisper out, terror in my voice at what I'm about to ask. What the answer could mean. If it will change how she feels, even though
every
part of me tells me it won't. My hands cling to hers as they rest on my cheeks in desperate movements, my body shaking as the words ghost off my lips, "If I
show
you what I did, would you still feel like that?"
Not a single moment of hesitation lingers before she simply says, "
Yes
." No concerns. No doubts. Just the pure and radiant smile of love that puts stars to shame. "Do you need me to prove it to you, baby girl?" She asks sincerely without any malice as I stare at her dumbfounded, though my own whispers of doubt lead me to my answer.
"I... I'm
sorry
. I love you
so
much, but I'm still so
terrified
that you'll still change your mind after... after you see." I choke out, my body still quivering in anxious fear that's all too easy to notice.
She just shakes her head softly, humming a negative before she looks at me again. "Don't be sorry~. If I needed to walk through hell itself to prove my love for you, I would do it
every
single
day. No questions asked. If you need me to see what you did before you feel safe with me again, then that is what I will do. And I will
never
judge you for it, and
never
stop loving you the whole while."
My own hesitation manifests, for multiple reasons as I bite my lip in worry. Do I do this? Do I tempt fate instead of just trusting her? What if she...
No
. She isn't lying. She would never do that, not over something like this. Stealing the last slice of pizza or ice cream sandwich? Absolutely. But not this. Yet still... even if I believe her, I
have
to show her. I won't be able to stop the whispers if I don't, to trust her like I so
desperately
want to.
I pull up the progress of her recovery from the main quest, eyes going wide as I read the result and inadvertently mumble out what I see in shock:
[... current amount healed: 18.92%]
"Surprised~? You're not the
only
one who works hard around here, missy~! Hehe~." Sandra playfully teases as I gape at her, that same blinding smile flipping my heart once more. "Though to be fair," She says with a kind look, "It feels like I heal
a lot
faster when I'm with you~. Am I strong enough for whatever you're planning?"
"I... I don't know." I answer back still in shock at the numbers, "Maybe? If anything feels off, tell me immediately and we'll leave where we're at, okay?"
"Okay~!" Her cheerful voice sings back, a small and weak smile finally breaking across my face at her enthusiasm and absolute trust in me before the purpose of the task at hand comes rushing back and removes it. She notices the brief light spark and then die in my eyes as she reaches out and kisses my forehead, almost making me jump on pure reaction before her voice stills me. "It'll be fine, Amelia.
Trust
me. I'm ready whenever you are."
A shaky exhale leaves my lips before I nod and grab her hands again, my mind focusing on
[Dream Archivist]
before we are both pulled from the park and into the library of the skill's make. Where all my memories are stored. For better or worse.
As my body practically vibrates enough to become a source of power, I warily look back to see Sandra glancing around in awe, mouth agape. "Whoooa~! This is neat! Kind of spooky since most of the shelves empty, but neat!" Her eyes come back to mine as she smiles and adds on, "I feel
fine
, baby girl. Let's do what we came here for and get back to cuddling~."
If it were anyone else, the cavalier attitude about such a devastating moment would probably raise my hackles, but coming from Sandra? All I feel is love and playful warmth, the certain knowledge that she always knows exactly what to say and how to say it to me. I try my best to return the tilt of lips - even if it's fake - before we begin walking to the rapidly filling out first section of bookshelves, my mind tugging at me to the dreaded target.
As we approach, I point to the spine of the book that holds my darkest moment in either lives so far with shaking fingers. "T-that one. You just have to open it and a screen will open up over there to replay the memory. I..." My breath begins to catch and turn to stone in my chest, my other hand flinging to my heart as it wildly thumbs under my ribs, sweat starting to form on my brow.
Just when I think I'm going to have another attack, Sandra wraps me in a soft embrace. "Don't worry, Aims. You don't have to watch or hear it. Why don't you go off a fair ways, I'll wait till you can't hear my voice anymore and then open the book. And remember," She says as she kisses my temple, "No matter
what
I'm about to see, I will still love you with
every
single fiber of my being. Okay?"
I nod against her skin, not trusting myself with words or an answer borne from my own doubt that may hurt her. It takes quite a few minutes to finally get out of earshot of each other, but thankfully the halls seem endless and don't like, loop on each other. I slide my back against one of the empty wooden shelves, the planks of wood bouncing against my spine until I eventually plop my ass on the ground.
Tucking my legs to my chest, the waiting brings about doubt. Futures that terrify me. Of Sandra realizing she can't be with me no matter how much she loves me, can't be with the monster I've become. Or her never coming back after witnessing what the book is about to show her. Or... Or her still staying with me, but never looking at me the same way again. With eyes of distrust, or fear, or loathing instead of love. Those and countless other scenarios swirling in my head, birthing and dying as I drown in the puddle of my own tears beneath my feet.
Without warning, or because I'm so distracted, I nearly jump out of my skin as arms wrap around my curled-up form. "Oh, my poor, precious Amelia." Her tear stricken voice calls to me, my mind going haywire at hearing such a rare state of being for my always sunny sister. And what it means.
As the fear begins to rise, she presses her lips to my temple before her next words spark a mix of relief and anger inside of me, "I'm
so
sorry. I'm sorry that you went through that, and that you feel responsible for something that you had
no way
of stopping. For ever thinking for a single
moment
that I would treat you like that. That you were so broken by what that
beast
controlling you did that you doubted the ones you love, who love you so much in return."
"Don't." I plead as my body shakes anew in her grasp, "Don't try and tell me it wasn't me. It was my hands that tore her clothes, that impaled her. My mouth that was filled with her blood and smiled like a predator at her while she begged me to stop. My skill that warped and influenced her mind to enjoy what I was doing. If it wasn't me..." I sob, the final piece of truth coming to the light at last, "then why do I remember how
amazing
it made me feel when I did it?"
Never for a moment does her grip wane, or the feelings of love and understanding ripple between us as she holds me in my confession. Not as the river of tears spills forth from my eyes at the final admission, the woeful revelation that terrifies me to my very core.
"What is the Berserker thing? The Intent." Sandra asks after she lets me collect myself for a moment.
"Uh..." I sniff and pause as I think about how to explain this to her, "It's like... An Intent is a concept or something that 'resonates' with who you are. Like, down to the soul. The Berserker Intent basically means that I apparently
really
like violence. To the point of getting... sexual satisfaction from it. And I guess that includes sexual violence now too...
God
..."
"What does it do?" She replies candidly, not even a blip of a sense of worry or judgement spilling from our bond. Just the ever-present radiance of love and understanding that would melt my heart in any other situation.
"Well... It makes me stronger when it activates, and it levels up as I get more in tune with it. Which, so far, has been any time I get super pissed off at something." Sandra laughs as she lightly flicks my forehead, a confused, hurt, and still teary face looking back at her as she smiles.
"I meant aside from how much it bumps your numbers, dork. You were always so single minded on min / maxing when you played games. Honestly, you'd have loved RPG's if you could just sit through the dialog long enough."
"Who wants to listen to the same dude in a tricorn hat giving you the 'Great job, this settlement needs your help now though' spiel for hours and hours?! Just give me a skill tree and let me shoot or stab things, damn it!" Like the sun cresting after the darkest night, Sandra laughs yet again. Her infectious mirth causing a fragile, short, but genuine chuckle from my lips that lifts my soul.
"Hang on, let me see." I say to her after our brief bit of levity, pulling up the skill in the system:
[Berserker Intent level 4]: You have taken the concept of a Berserker to heart, letting it mold and shape your ferocity in turn. The path of the Berserker is one soaked in carnage and rage, tempered only by meaningful connections of those you hold dear deep in your psyche as well as your own will to remain sane in spite of the call of battle. When activated, your bloodlust bathes the area in a crimson aura proportional to your Strength and Constitution stats. This radius is defined as (STR+CON / 8) and represented in the numerical value you are most accustomed to: Imperial. Those inside the aura's hue feel the pure animosity and insanity driven want for battle emanating from you, often times inflicting negative effects such as fear or terror. Additionally, while the Intent is active, your physical stats will be multiplied by 6. This stat increase will not affect the aura's radius.
Current Radius: 4,461 ft
The aura's formula as well as the multiplication buff will increase as the Intent increases in level and comprehension, but so too will the call to subsume yourself in the madness.
"I thought so." She says as I read the description verbatim. The added stat buffs are nice, and explains why I was able to overpower Sam so easily. Wouldn't that put my physical stats all in or near the 300k range if grouped up with my other techniques? Even higher for DEX?
I'm ripped from my distraction as Sandra continues. "That skill says it right there in its own wording, baby girl. It
drowns
you in the lust for battle. And while I may be uneducated on this stuff for now, I have to assume that means it also amplifies what you're feeling, steering your mind to seek out and relish in death and destruction. And... well... satisfying the urge that it itself makes. Not to mention that, but it even says that if you can't control it, the skill takes you over and throws you to the back seat!"
"Y-yeah, but it was-" I try to argue back before she shakes her head and holds up her hand.
"I
love
you Amelia. This hasn't changed that like you were scared it would. If anything, I love you
more
because even though you lost yourself, you still fought and came back to your senses. But you can't do this. You can't make yourself out to be the villain in this scenario. Not when both you and Samantha were the victims." She says resolutely as she stares me down.
"B-but..."
"No, Aims. The skill says it plain as day. If you can't control it, you will lose yourself. If you want to take ownership over what happened, then instead of tearing yourself apart with the guilt of what you did while you had no control, focus more on why you lost control to begin with. Why haven't you been trained how to use this? How to handle its power?" Again, resolute and offering no quarter. Though the questions at the end both liberate and further sting my conscience.
"W-well, there's been a lot going on... I have to try to heal you as much as possible every time I can, learn how to fight, how the crafting stuff works, how to actually cultivate and learn my techniques and build the flow model. Not to mention its just been... too much sometimes and I shut down or had to sleep."
The stern, big sister energy subsides - even though she was only born a minute ahead of me - as Sandra sighs before wrapping me up in another hug, her hand coming to rest against the back of my head. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry you're having to go through this all on your own, in certain ways. But please stop blaming yourself for what happened. It was violent, scary, and wrong, yes. But you
literally
could not have stopped it once it was unleashed." She pulls back, bumping our foreheads together, her breath waving across me like pleasant steam.
"You had no control over it. When you heal enough from this to watch what happened again, if you ever decide to, you'll see what I saw. Feel what I felt. That from the
moment
you screamed in Samantha's arms, you lost yourself. That Intent grabbing the wheel, being fed from somewhere else and then in turn forcing you to feel everything that you remember. I will always love you, and I am always by your side, but you need to really take my words to heart.
If you are truly sorry for what happened and want to make amends, the best thing you can do right now is to be honest with yourself. Which means accepting that you couldn't have stopped this as you were, that you are also a victim in this. Instead of killing yourself over what happened, work on making sure this doesn't ever happen again. It may mean shifting priorities around, taking charge of your own life for a little bit, but that's what it means to be accountable. To be responsible for yourself and true to the people who love you. Okay?"
I nod against her forehead, wetness dampening my cheeks yet again before she says, "Okay. I
know
this won't be easy for you, my sweet baby sister. That it will take you time to heal and grieve and see the truth of what I'm tellin' you. But you're
never
alone. If you
ever
need more sage advice, or to vent, or just to get some calm from that crazy world we got thrown into, then you come and find me, got it?" Another wordless nod as I choke out a sob. "Good~. I love you, with
all
of my heart and all of my soul.
To the moon and back
.
Never
doubt that,
my
baby girl."
"I l-love you too,
so
,
so
m-much." I whimper back to her, opening my eyes to take in hers again. A moment passes between us as she just smiles and leans forward the last few inches that separate us, our lips touching in a dazzling perfume of pink sparkles. The dreaded memories of what I've done staying silent this time.

A Sister’s Care – Ch 132