Walking Disasters and Me-Dreams – Ch 37

Walking Disasters and Me-Dreams – Ch 37

I lay on the comfy bed, all swaddled and tucked in, as my newfound budding attraction to Jun Li is still swirling in my mind. Like, obviously she's hot, you'd have to be an
idiot
to not see that! But something about her constantly bubbly, anxious energy coupled with her moments of maturity really strike a cord with me. And it is beyond appealing to see how excited she gets by even the prospect of spending time with me, even if it does kind of circle around and make me start questioning if I'm even worth her feeling that hyped to begin with.
I sigh, letting the turbulent emotions and trains of thought continue their rampage in my brain for a bit before deciding that I've had enough and reach over to the bottle of sleep medicine Akiko had so generously left for me. Hopefully these aren't habit forming, if I'm going to get hooked on new fantasy drugs I'd want it to be something fun! Not Qi based melatonin! Slightly giggling at my own thoughts, I deposit a single little candy pill into my palm and then voice out to Ios in a playful but still serious voice, "Hey, you troll. I'm going to get some rest, we've been at this all day and I didn't even realize the time until Jun Li came to the door. Thanks for all of your help today, I really appreciate it hun."
Ios' projection flares to life once more, her attractive multi-limbed form sitting peacefully at the table as she smiles at me, "Of course honey~ I think we made quite a lot of progress today, and I also think it's a good idea for you to get to know the girls better. Jun Li seems
very
sweet on you, not that the others haven't shown some signs too~ Hehe~!" Seeing my flushed face coupled with a small pout at her teasing, she laughs a couple times in earnest before continuing, "You're adorable when you pout, you know that right? Take your pill and get some rest hun, I'll wake you up if anything happens. Good night~!"
I can only turn my head and huff at her antics, even if it does start to force my defiant pout into a small upturned smile. "You're insufferable sometimes, you know
that
right, Ios? Alright, I'll head off to dream land then. Good night~." And with that, I quickly make myself comfortable on the bed, which includes wrapping myself up nice and tight, before I bring the pill to my face, popping it into my mouth. Within a few moments, nearly as long as it takes me to get my head back on the pillow and get settled once more, I feel my consciousness flitter away like a leaf on the wind as I succumb to another night of rest with a gentle smile still on my face.
My mind stirs again, fleeting memories of sensing an endless black void and feeling disoriented in its pitch black waves returning to me. But my thoughts seem a bit clearer now, and I can actually perceive my surroundings as soon as I wake up this time. Well, I at least notice the connection that I felt last time, with its rainbow energy beaming off to the place that still fills me with such
belonging
and the
ache
of homesickness. Everything else in my vicinity is still a pitch black, formless void that somehow reminds me of an ocean. I still feel
weak
, weaker than I know I should be, but its not as extreme as it was the last time. Even in my poor state, I feel more complete.
Stronger.
As I am discovering these changes, I feel something quake around me. It feels like something that is an extension of my skin, yet different, was pierced but without bringing me any pain. Curious, I try to focus as much as I can on the direction that the feeling came from, and am sad to discover that even that little bit of conscious effort drains me again. With a bit of resigned acceptance, I simply wait for any other new changes to occur around me, while trying to get my fractured mind to piece together
where
and
who
I am.
I don't have to wait very long, as soon I can feel that
hopeful
sensation approaching me. The one that makes me feel safe, loved, and makes me feel like being next to it is where I am
meant to be
. Like looking into a small golden sun, the entity wades closer and closer to me in this sea of emptiness, the closer they approach, the more the feelings of
purpose
and
home
fill my shattered mind. They seem to hesitate at a distance, before I hear the most perfect sound in all of my confusing existence echo into the space between us, "Sandra...".
It sounds like a prayer, or a devotion spoken out with a
beautiful
voice that shake the very ripples of the formless water in this voided sea we swim in. The sheer amount of
emotions
wrapped into that one word, no. A name.
My name.
This...
person
who makes me feel so complete and loved without any explanation as to why says my name with such
reverence
that my mind nearly shatters again but from joy. I am pulled all too soon from my reverie as the person who fills my entire being with such happiness approaches closer, until their golden form takes up all of my minds vision. If only I could speak! If only I could hug this wonderful creature who makes me feel like this and share my joy with them!
My wild running thoughts stop as I hear the voice of the person before me speak out once more, but not into the void like when they returned my name to me, but in my mind directly. She, as I can most definitely tell that the voice belongs to a woman now that the awe and tempest of emotions no longer cloud me, speaks to me with
love
and
care
and
longing
. All the things I feel every time I gaze at that sparkling bridge that shoots into the distance. She speaks of things that confuse me, as my brain is still not whole and unable to really grasp certain advanced concepts, but the emotions that flare over me when she talks I can tell are hers. And I can understand those just fine.
Aside from the
longing
and
love
she transmits when she first began talking, I also sense sadness and hopelessness, and a different but still powerful love when she mentions a person named Akiko. For some reason a twinge of jealousy blossoms into my mind at comprehending that, but I quickly snuff it out simply due to how radiant the
love
I feel this person has for this Akiko. And while it is powerful and strong, it was nowhere
near
as strong as what she felt about me. I find that I... can accept this, even if the entire concept still evades me for now, I feel at peace knowing that I will always be the most prominent in the mind of the woman in front of me which brings me immense happiness once more.
She continues on with more words that I try my best to make sense of, and am slowly getting better at doing so the longer I stay awake. I do instantly understand when she says I was and am her everything, as that resonates so deeply within my
core
, within my
soul
, that the concept isn't even a concept to me. It is a
fact
of my existence. The emotions that roll off her reinforce that feeling, as the love and devotion spring forth across our bond once again as she continues to talk, filling me with rapturous joy! If only I could steal this feeling away and then always have it available when I want to bask in its glow again!
Wrapping up her sadly one sided discussion, I feel the pang of grief and remorse again flow over her when she mentions Akiko once more, and through the haze of my mind I understand her words just enough to glean her reasoning. She is afraid I will feel left behind, and that fear is stopping her from being happy. My soul nearly
melts
from the care and empathy she carries, and I would do
anything
to reassure her that all I ever would want is for her to be happy, and to be loved by her. Desperate to right this wrong before me, I focus with all of my might, even after feeling the
weakness
start to seep in to places it once receded from as I will as much power and strength as I can into one single emotion: Acceptance. That it is okay for her to find joy too.
With my weary energy fading from me, I feel her presence slightly float back before it whisks away from my tunneling vision. A pang of loss and longing fills my fading mind at her sudden departure, before I can no longer keep my attention held and once more the darkness consumes me...
I wake up in bed, the wetness of tears on my cheeks and on the pillow beneath me. In confusion I quietly mutter out, "Sandra?..." under my breath before the feelings and visions of the dream slip through my hands like grains of sand. I'm about to meditate to check on her when Ios pops up in her projection.
"Morning hun~ Jun Li should be by in about-... Holy shit Aims, are you okay? You look like you've been crying all night, but I swear you've been peacefully sleeping the whole time, even when you shibari'd  yourself with the under sheet for a moment!" Her concerned tone - and further teasing of my sleeping habits - make me sit up and look over to her form which is now sitting on the foot of the bed, gazing down at me with worry.
"I... I don't know. I feel fine, but I think I dreamed about Sandra? Or... I don't know! Every time I try to think back on it, it just gets hazier and harder to grasp. All that is sticking with me is an insane amount of the feeling of love, and then at the end yearning and loss. Those feelings feel like it did when Sandra gave me a sign the other day, or at least that's what we assumed happened. Like, those feelings weren't all mine." With frustration, I reach up and tousle my hair as I groan out, "Ugh, what does it all even mean?!".
I hear Ios make some thoughtful noises as she stands up, letting my swing my legs over without being rude and clipping through her form. As soon as my feet plant on the ground and I lean over, hands still tangled in my red bedhead she seems to come to a conclusion. I look back at her with hopeful eyes, wanting her to help me make sense of all of this with my hands still raked across my scalp.
"Well," She begins carefully as she sits on the bed next to me and looks me in the eyes, "It may not be impossible that you're experiencing either her memories or dreams when you're under. The connection you and she share is intense and deep, Amelia. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you two were able to do something like that. Although to say it would be unheard of would be an understatement... Maybe you should keep like a dream journal or something hun? Or we can check out the shop and see if there's anything to like, record dreams or something. Not really an avenue I've checked into yet, since I've been focusing on your training stuff and things for my body, but if you want to I can poke around."
I mull it over for a few moments, finally ending my torturous assault on my innocent hair as I breathe out heavily and stand up to make my way to the bathroom. With a bit of exhaustion in my voice already, I respond to Ios, "I mean... Maybe? I guess it couldn't hurt to see our options, if it really is like you said and I'm inceptioning Sandra somehow." I sigh before keeping on, "I'm going to try and clear my head in the shower for a bit, buy me some time if Jun Li shows up before I'm out, please." Ios nods once to me and then blinks out of her projection, giving me some space which I appreciate.
I gather up a fresh set of panties from the storage bag that's still hung haphazardly on the post of one of the chairs by the table, and then enter into the randomly modern luxury of the bathroom. I crank the shower up to as hot as I can stand it against my hand, and then fully step in once I'm satisfied. I let out a small hiss of pain as I start to get used to the scalding water, but soon enough it morphs into a relaxing, soothing affair as I acclimate to it.
After doing the required work of showering, cleaning myself, I slump my forehead against the wall near the head dispersing the pleasantly hot liquid. If that was Sandra's memory or her feelings or whatever, then what was that last bit? That heavy as fuck feeling of longing? Did she feel that way after giving me the ping of acceptance, and that sad feeling was her regretting doing it?... No, even if she is broken and wounded, Sandra was never the type to second guess herself or her actions. So then... What? Was it... Was it me? When I left, confused at the sensation she sent and hopped out of my trance to go ask Ios?
If that's true, then not only did she hear me, or at least feel my emotions back or something, she actually
saw
me.
And then saw me leave right after she tried to give me a sign... The tears sting through the heat of the water splashing on my face now. I cup my hands to my face, a quick and quiet sob escaping my lips as that thought makes me feel horrible. All that fear of abandoning her and I do just that after her first attempt at communication...
I let the water fall across the back of my hands for a few minutes, just letting my emotions run rampant for a time as quiet sobs rack my body. Finally, a sobering thought races to the forefront of the chaos and shakes me back to my senses. I spent like 8 hours healing her afterward, and never got so much as a
peep
back from her then. Maybe... Maybe she was too exhausted or something after she sent that emotion across, and the feeling was because she was going dormant again. Or hell, maybe it was something else entirely! I literally have no way to know without getting her strong enough to ask, and I won't do that by breaking down at the 'what ifs' here in the shower, as tempting as the idea may be!
I scrub my face once more and rub my hands through my slick, freshly clean hair as I turn off the shower and dry off. Putting my hair up in a second towel, I brush my teeth and run through the rest of my morning regimen while the thoughts and scenarios keep bouncing around in my mind. Before long, I open the door to the bathroom once more dressed in my battle attire, a wave of steam filling the room as I do so. Must have been in the shower longer than I thought...
Ios pops back up as I make my way to the table and plop down in a chair, setting both my arms on its surface to hold my chin with both hands. "Welcome back~ I think that was a speed run record for you, only 20 minutes in the bathroom this time! Hehe~ Jun Li should be by soon, she knocked on the door pretty much as soon as you turned on the shower. Figured you wanted a bit of a moment to yourself after your night, so I told her to swing back in a half hour or so."
I look up with a bit of gratitude toward Ios, even if her care is always laced with a bit of teasing, "Thanks. Yeah, I just needed to... think some things through. Let's keep going with the studying till she gets back then."
True to her word, about 10 minutes or so later another soft knock comes on my door. I nod to Ios as I close the language book, nearly half way through it now~, as I hop over to greet Jun Li. "Hello!," I say in Zerian as the door slides open, "Hope you had a good night Jun Li! Want to come in for a bit or should we go start getting breakfast ready?"
I notice that she is in a plain, dark purple kimono with silver trim this morning, wearing heavily woven sandals upon her feet. The kimono complements her nicely, and is a bit more form fitting than the ones I've seen so far. Either that, or she fills it out much better than anyone else around here, which is probably the more likely answer. Her rounded face regards me in delight at my greeting, putting the full force of her three tails to work behind her as she reaches out and pats my head.
"Good morning to you as well Miss Amelia! I think it would be best to make our way to the kitchens first, lest we get absorbed into your studies and neglect your hunger." She says in her flowing voice before offering me her hand. With a bit of a questioning raise to my brows, she adds on, "Just in case, I assure you. The estate is quite large and easy to get lost in if you do not know the passages and routes."
I take her hand with a knowing look to my face, as I lean over and see her tails once more go into overdrive as soon as our palms clasp together. I raise my own cheeky smile as I say back to her, "Uh huh. Akiko tried that trick too. If you want to hold my hand Jun Li, all you need to do is ask me~"
I feel myself being picked up quite bodily after my little flirt, which you'd think I should have learned my lesson on by now, but Jun Li is just so damn adorable I couldn't help myself! Thankfully, it is a much less intense affair, as I am instead simply smushed into her copious breasts as her surprisingly earthy scent fills my nostrils. The plush softness of her chest that still has a wonderful firmness to it envelopes nearly half of my head and clouds my mind as Jun Li twists a bit at the hips while holding me, making my legs dangle this way and that.
"Oh my~! You are so precious Miss Amelia! I shall surely take you up on your offer in the future, but you must admit that the game itself is fun at times too~!" With her signature hiccupping laugh she eventually sets me down, using her hands and tails to right my dress and my hair. Still recovering from the rapid changes in elevation and momentum, I stand there dizzily for a few seconds which elicits yet another couple of giggles from Jun Li. When she finally recovers, she gives me her signature gentle smile, although it is tinged with a bit of playfulness now, as she once more grasps my hand and we make our way toward the kitchens.

Dreams – Ch 37