Walking Disasters and Me-Heart Demons Part 2 – Ch 64
The space is illuminated around us, partially because of my newly created island of light and partly because of the prismatic connection that is thrumming with power between me and Sandra. The grotesque and malformed hydra barely has a chance to react as that sparkling rainbow light blooms in power before the cracked shell of Sandra rushes them almost faster than I can track, her energy spinning up with a high-pitched whirring sound. In the blink of an eye, an explosion worthy of a historical war documentary unfolds in front of me, the air around us engulfed in the shockwave from her streaking impact, a resounding
*BOOM!*
shaking past my presence which makes me weak in the knees.
I flare some Qi of my own, chanting under my breath,
"
[Moonlight Body Strengthening]"
, before rushing forward to join in the delightful fray. My winged spear replica, seemingly made out of either soul energy or just my imagination while we're in this fucked up space, arcs out in front of me to sever the head of Taylor as she's distracted, her eyes going blank as a hideous scream escapes her dying lips. I turn to see Sandra's form simply crashing against the head of Mary, burning her in some kind of divine fire or maybe her pure energy before dashing away to rush in like a wrecking ball once again.
Jennean's head recovers from the sudden dual assault and lashes down to bear its deep, arm length fangs toward me, a shrill hiss darting from her mouth as it opens wide as the smell of decay and rot waft from her gaping maw. I pull away from the decapitated head in a backwards somersault, just in time for those teeth to sail past me, nearly pricking their points against the skin of my legs. As I land, I look back to the monster as a small gasp leaves me. Taylor's stump starts to bubble and gurgle in sickening noises before two new, identical heads push out from its meaty trunk. I nearly gag at the sight, recoiling in disgust as the smell of rotten flesh mixed with the coppery tang of blood fills the air.
Even Sandra backs off at the display of regeneration as she flits to my side, the both of us observing the snarling smiles of the now four headed beast in front of us as they gnash and bite the air in amusement. I turn to Sandy, and I can tell through our bond that she isn't going to be able to keep this up forever. Hell, I'm already devoting nearly all the Qi I can gather to empower her like this and keep her out of her resting state, not to mention how she was even able to wake up in the first place. No, we're missing something about this fight, and I need to figure out what it is before the clock on Sandra's assistance runs out.
"Sandra," I say out, my voice distorted and wavy in this liminal space, "I don't know what we need to do to put them down permanently, can you try and hold them back for a bit? Until I figure out what is going to work?"
The amorphous blob bobs up and down once before streaking away in a nearly blinding light of silver, gold, and rainbow colors as she once more crashes and writhes against the monster. I decide to take Ios' and Akiko's advice to heart and dump everything but around 300 points into Wisdom, hoping that the added mental power will help me here.
You have used 900 points on Wisdom! Wisdom is now 1,600!
Hidden Quest Complete!
[Hidden Quest: Mind over Matter.
Reach over 1,000 score in any mental stat before any physical stat.
Reward: Unique Active Skill [Quick Thought], 250 Ability Points, 500 Shop Points, 25 Skill Points.]
Available Ability Points: 582
Available Shop Points: 7,550
Available Skill Points: 287
[Quick Thought]: At a heavy impact to stamina usage, slow down your perceived perception of time while allowing your mind to work at full capacity. Higher Wisdom scores will lessen the impact of the stamina usage.
Well, isn't
that
neat? I decide to keep hold of the extra points as backup and immediately fire off the skill. Everything instantly slows down to a snail's pace, even the lightning quick movements of Sandra's soul are now something that I can easily keep track of. I flip up my status screen and shudder at the amount of stamina leaving me, nearly 1k every few seconds! I dismiss it all and close in on my mind, searching desperately for an answer to how we're supposed to overcome this trial.
I think back to what Ios and Akiko were telling me before I entered the glyph, how much emphasis they put on telling me they either loved me or that I'm deserving of love. All the swell of positive beats thudding through me as those words tried to pierce into my mind, but did I accept them? Truly? And is that what this trial is supposed to be? Not some contest of power and blood, not some enemy to overcome, but truly accepting that these negative feelings - the confusion, loneliness, hurt, and hate - are not something worth carrying anymore, knowing that I am
more
than that. That I've grown past all of it in the brief time that I've been away from Earth?
But what does that truly mean for me? Am I still the same woman as that Earth me? Sure, I feel the same, I can track the changes in real time either with the system logs or just from recounting my own growth at Akiko's estate, or with candid conversations with Ios and the other girls. But like a ship of Theseus, am I the same person at the end of all of those trials and titles and buffs? Do I lose myself from trying to cling onto the weakest parts of me, desperate to keep whatever I think is the core of myself whole?... No.
I breathe out mentally, the air from my lungs slowly dissipating thanks to the mental time difference. No, I am
not
that weak person. That girl who was so terrified of being left alone that she would submit herself to these people's abuse. The girl who was so on edge, always awaiting the next disaster that she would rather suffer in silence and endure than be set free from her constraints and mistreatment at the hands of those she sought comfort from.
Ios' voice comes back to mind as she told me the first thing that finally makes the lesson sink home for me here and now: "...that you are worth loving, and you
deserve
to love yourself..." An explosion of air erupts from me as understanding clicks into my being. All these... parasites ever did was sink in and feed on my weakness. On my faulty and warped mind. Trying to impose their wills, values, or their own hangups on to a desperate and broken girl. I
know
that already. I know that they
never
truly loved me, not like I did for them. But I never, not once, tried to really absorb what Ios, Akiko, even Sandra back then, were saying to me. That those weaknesses do not define me, that my trauma is merely what happened to me, not what makes me, me. That I am always deserving of love, and that in spite of all of my failures, mistakes, and flaws, I need to love myself first.
"And I do." I say out in an icy cold voice, my words warping and shuddering the space around us. The bleeding hydra and slightly more fractured Sandra back away from each other, the feeling of pride and love from the latter nearly overwhelming me while the look of absolute fear on the former drives me to euphoric joy. "I
love
myself, in spite of what you three tried to do to me. You took advantage of a
weak
, poor girl who was trying her best at life. A young woman who was desperate for affection and not strong enough to speak her mind. But that isn't me any longer. I have true friends, people who care about me properly and wholly. And..." I say as I turn to Sandra's form, our bond nearly washing out the space around us as the monster screams in the background, "I have someone who loves me more than I even know what to do with. How to even
address
. But I know now that it's love, pure and true just from her being here in her wounded form and coming to help me against you."
I turn back toward the screeching Grecian abomination, their wails wallowing inharmoniously, "You pieces of filth.
Wastes
of human and metaphysical space. Will
never
.
Know.
THAT!"
With a flash, I release all I can of the emotions of love, hope, and peace that Sandra, Ios, Akiko, Jun LI, Gerra, and even Samantha have shown to me. The countless playful moments, the annoying yet still invigorating teasing that makes me smile, the deep and thoughtful discussions which see my cares and concerns properly addressed and answered, and the insanely powerful emotions born between the bond of Sandra and myself. Love, as I lay with Akiko, her tails lapping over my side while we nuzzle into each other. Hope, as Ios tells me that I am stronger and healing every day, her chirpy voice laced with concern and care. Peace, as I meditate with Sandra's form while she heals slowly but surely.
Every moment recalled burns and steams another welt of vitality away from the cornered monstrosity, their now six heads - apparently Sandra goes hard~ - recoil in the light as all of those memories play out around us, me co-opting the space to show my own home movies now. As they shrink back in blinding pain, their large, car sized paws coming up to shield their eyes as their heads fall to the ground. I activate
[Unending Flow of the River]
and
[Moonlight Body Strengthening]
in tandem, my stamina reserves dangerously plummeting even with the buff to DEX and CON. Power surges through me, as I feed just enough Qi to keep Sandy awake - I hope - before I take a single step forward. Raw, pure power arcing off my form as space distorts and cracks in silvery sheens of spiderwebs and voided portals to nothingness, the ground straining from the weight of my impacts.
"Thank you for teaching me what not to look for in a partner, and that its okay to move on. Now...
get the fuck out of my mind."
I say as I rush forward using all my strength and crater the space around me. I dash up in a flash, just above one of the downed paws before I dash in a straight line and sever all six of the downed heads with my boosted speed from both skills. The crook of the sickle slicing through all of their necks cleanly and perfectly before Sandra follows up behind me, emitting a radiant bath of fire that I can sense is full of pure, unadulterated love for me, burning the stumps of the downed foe as Sandra's nearly inhuman wail of victory echoes out in the void. All six of the faces, a couple repeats among them, go flying off into the inky blackness as the body below disintegrates into nothing. A weight I didn't know I was carrying lifts off my soul, making me sit down and breathe out in newfound lightness and clarity.
In a rapid moment of realization, I quickly shut off all of the techniques and skills, even dismissing the spear just in case as I rush to Sandra's side and start using
[Steady Breathing lvl 5]
to begin recovering my stamina. "Oh my god,
oh my god
, thank you!! Thank you for showing up, I didn't even know you could do that yet!! Are you okay?? Show me anything that hurts!" I rapidly dance around the orb of Sandra, my mind going a mile a minute as I look at several new cracks around her healing carapace. I frown heavily but know that I can't really do or say anything back to her about it. If she didn't show up when she did, I may have actually given in and just gave up seeing as how those repressed memories really did a whammy on me. I instead focus nearly all Qi accumulation to the newer fractures, hoping that they can be healed faster, relieved to see the new bump in Wisdom coming in clutch for this.
As we sit there in silence for a few moments, she does send me a few more feelings, the excitement of the moment seeming to have winded her too. A lot of love, reassurance, and then weariness as the Qi begins to sink in and start healing her once more. I nod back to her, "It's okay. Thank you
so much
for coming to help me, Sandy. I really needed you there and, like you
always
do, you showed up just in the nick of time~. I'll heal you a bit more then you go rest, I know what I need to do here now. I
love
you." Our bond sparkles and shines with the admission, as I can feel the same sensation flowing back to me in droves~.
After a few moments of careful attention and focused Qi distribution, Sandra's shell is back to 'pre mental monster fight' levels, and I urge her to go back and rest. She, of course, refuses even though she obviously doesn't say so in so many words, but nothing I say or try to explain shies her from staying right by my side. I sigh, smiling slightly at one of the core things I always remember about her, that overbearing nature when she thought I was in trouble. "Fine," I say, "but if you are getting too wounded then we back up and plan, got it?"
I feel a
'Yes'
pop happily through the connection, making me smile happily as a new presence descends into the arena. Inky black and suffocating, a foul wind of thoughts and emotions waft past both of us, the intensity of it nearly blotting out the light of Sandra and our connection as I'm wracked by memories. Every hesitation born from anxiety, every thought or action scrutinized in my brain leading me only to indecision and despair, every thought and plan of future events crippling me into immobilization. I gasp as the new form solidifies before us, all the tendrils of darkness and shadow coalescing into a vaugely me shaped form.
Panic.
"So," The being begins, its voice echoey and discordant in the space around us, like the very weight of it will bring about some new reason to fear, reason to break down, "You admit that you love yourself. Cute, in a way. But I wonder how much that revelation will help you, or how much it will wane, when you realize how broken and shattered you were, how futile and fleeting this newfound solidity will last for you."
I shrug off the words, forming the spear once more in my hand before kneeling down into a fighting stance, my voice angry and full of contempt, "We've already went over how I'm not the same since Earth, so if that's all you've got then this will be a quickie~."
The being pauses, reeling back its oppressive nature before it concedes, "Perhaps. But even if you are changed, you still suffer and fear. You still feel the weight of inaction and hesitance. You still are brought low by
me
, repeatedly and thoroughly, once given proper motivation. Or do you
deny
those times here on Mara that you've fallen to the ground in failure?" Tendrils of inky blackness shoot forward before I can react as Sandra moves herself in front of me, forming some kind of shield between herself and the assault. Fear laces up me, unsure of how much she can withstand or what its doing to her.
"Thats right," The being says softly, "That's the ticket~." Instantly, those lines of darkness gain more points, jagged and vicious as they lace around and past Sandra's defense forcing me to move. I jump from my spot as one hits where I just was, denting and cracking the ground from the impact, before a mad dash sees me running off to avoid more and more of them with Sandra in tow. All the being does is laugh, the fear and panic trickling down deeper into me, giving more and more strength to its efforts. One whip like appendage streaks forward past Sandra and nicks my leg before I can react, the blinding cold pain making me cry out in the space.
The second it touches me, the thought of landing here on Mara comes back unbidden, playing out in perfect clarity once again. The despair, hopelessness, and confusion which brought about my first panic attack since being here. Another jolt rocks my body as a lance of shadow spears my arm, Sandra unable to hold back the growing tide as I lay spasming on the floor. More memories, more times that the fear and uncertainness crashed and rebounded through me until it was reformed into a debilitating, unmoving cacophony of indecision. Akiko as she loomed over me in the cave, me learning about my soul's past, nearly welcoming that same soul overtaking me just to defeat Akiko.
"That's right~." The being clamors, hungry in its voice and its growing intensity, "You may have grown and changed, but this will always be a part of you, always your weakness and folly. What if you make the wrong choice? What if you move and act, only for something to change the math later? What if you send your sister out to
die
for you to learn a lesson?"
My eyes flare wide at the taunt, Qi flowing into me like a furnace as the shadow tendrils are dispersed momentarily. The being frowns back slightly, keeping its inky spears by its side for a moment as Sandra's form floats to me, even more wounded than after the hydra fight which makes the beings words ring through my head once more. I debate activating
[Quick Thought]
again, but my stamina is still down to just about 5k after the hydra fight, not having nearly enough time to recoup my losses.
No, we're going to have to do this one on the fly. Is it true what its saying? What even is it saying? "Sandra," I start to say, "I'm so sorry, but I need you to play defense just a little bit longer. I'll funnel everything I can into you, but if it gets too much then leave, okay?"
I'm met by a mixture of simple emotions, likely all she can create for now. A
Yes
,
Yes
,
No
. I take it to mean that she's going to be staying regardless, which does make me smile and help ease the straining weight that this monster is pushing onto me. "Okay. Give em hell, hun~." With that, I feed as much Qi into Sandra as I can, some of her smaller cracks instantly healing from my bump into Wisdom as a wall of prismatic energy erupts in front of her. I gaze at the dazzling display, wondering if she is learning techniques or skills even now with her soul being so borked, before I shake my head and focus on the task at hand. With the symphony of countless barbs of shadow shattering against the rainbow-colored wall, I kneel down and think once again.
A raucous thundering of impacts suffocates the space as countless tendrils impact against the barrier Sandra is providing me. I breathe deep a few times, trying to will the sounds out of my mind as I focus in on what this emotion and feeling means to me. Before too long, I am lost in a memory from the past, from before things got so squirrely in my mind.
Dad in his long, straight red hair and green vibrant eyes showing me how to shoot a rifle for the first time. His baritone voice as he tells me the ins and outs of what to do, how to load the magazine and rack the bolt, and where to aim on the target that is about 50 ft in front of us. His tall, 6ft 1in stature towers over me like a skyscraper that I constantly seek approval, as I follow his instructions and prepare the .22 rifle. He nods in satisfaction, a happy smile on his face, as I finish preparing the 5 round magazine and placing it into the feeder slot underneath the bolt.
I prepare and focus, like he taught me. Breathing in deep and clearing my mind before exhaling and pulling the trigger, the round sinking dead center of the target. "Who Hoo! Damn baby girl! My old eyes might be deceiving me, you try that again and see if we can't get similar results!" He says triumphantly, jubilantly as he stands to my side. His praise showering me in all the warm joy I could ever want.
Twice more I sink a solid hit, the somewhat loud
POP
of the rifle still not as hard to bear as his pistol that he showed me once. The memory plays out to the fourth rack of the bolt, and that is where the trauma begins. The casing fails to come out, which I don't see as I turn and smile to dad. As I rack the last bullet into place, his hands whip out, placing one on the wooden underside of the gun and the other on my shooting wrist, just before it was about to sink into the trigger well.
A slight disappointment crosses in his eyes, whether toward me, him, or a bit of both, I can't tell, but his voice makes it all the more clear, "Amelia, you cannot be joking around with stuff like this. Look," he says as he racks the bolt and then jiggles out the failed cartridge, "If that bullet were to have hit that casing, it would have exploded in your
face
honey. You have to
always
be locked in and attentive, you can't afford to miss a single detail when you're handling guns."
That moment, that feeling of disappointment and doubt, mixed with the fragmented words that told me I
always
had to be aware of myself and surroundings. That is the moment this monster was born, even if I couldn't ever understand it on Earth.
Heart Demons Part 2 – Ch 64
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