Walking Disasters and Me-Understanding and Purpose – Ch 90

Walking Disasters and Me-Understanding and Purpose – Ch 90

My avatar floats in the void as I center myself and think back to the rapid changes and influences that created it. Thankfully, even though I was being aided immensely by that jumped up pill that the Empress bought - still a bit
miffed
about that, doing it without warning to me - it seems that every action and direction of energy I used along with the intent behind it all is crystal clear to me.
The soul shape I had before was... well,
infantile
I guess. Not malformed or
weak
by any stretch of the imagination, but definitely in the first stages of its existence. The first thing that I needed to do was bind the outer shell, the mesh that makes up my psyche and memories, as well as the core all into one, unified form. By molding the core into a perfect replica of myself, I laid the groundwork for the mesh to weave and suture its way not just underneath my 'skin', but also lace its knowledge and understanding throughout the avatar's entire being.
Once that was done, the golden shell needed to continue its role as protector and defender and become the true skin of the avatar. In the process, a shockingly large amount of the Heavenly Qi went in to strengthening it while it was being molded, adding a frankly
ridiculous
amount of defense to the outer layer of the avatar. Which makes sense, I guess. Part of the whole benefit of advancing soul cultivation is to strengthen and empower the soul itself, and having it be as sturdy and impervious to outside damage as possible is a key step of that.
I break down each of the concepts of the transformation and begin going over them each in depth, studying how I shaped my core. Why I wove the mesh like I did. And how I expertly - again, with the pill's help - cocooned myself with the protective armor of my shell. I meditate on those ideas, images, and intents floating through my vision, going over each individual step in excruciating detail recalled in absolute clarity, my mind working overtime to internalize and fully comprehend all that I sift through.
Sometime later, likely quite a while given the weird time dilation that happens when I'm in here, I finally open my eyes again. The stillness and peace from the long meditating session still wafting off me as I stand in the space and look toward Sandra's still sleeping sphere.
"Welcome back sweetie~. How'd it go? Feel like you know where to start?" Ios says gently from the side, floating up next to me with a smile as she studies my reactions.
I return the tilt of the lips, leaning over to give her a side hug that still feels electric with the soul avatar before replying, "Hey you~. It went well, I think. I have a couple ideas that I want to try, but I may run them by you, Akiko, and the Empress first. I want to be
absolutely
sure what I'm doing is right, that I don't accidentally hurt or mess with Sandra's memories or personality while I'm trying to get her back."
Ios gives a small hum before she says back, "Of course. Would certainly defeat the entire purpose, huh? I'm always down to listen and offer ideas or insights, but like I said before you started meditating, this is new territory. Souls here in this universe don't exactly operate like how they do outside of here, in other realities. And while I'm sure our lovely fox would always be eager to help, she is essentially in the same boat as I am. Meaning that her knowledge of souls and those concepts are theoretical at best."
Just... Just one day of Ios not saying some crazy shit off hand. Can I get one day like that please, universe? Mental pleading aside, I turn back to look at her in a genuinely curious expression, my tone matching my face as I ask, "You don't really talk about that stuff very often, where you and Ilya come from. While I'm really interested in what you meant by souls operating differently in different... multiverses?" Ios gives a half nod and shrug, probably signaling that I'm mostly right and not bothering to correct some small discrepancies with the statement. I take it as a cue to keep going in any event, "I'm also curious how you two were able to nab Sandy and I and bring us here? Seems like this universe is pretty strict about rules and stuff if this Heaven is anything to go by."
Ios gets a slightly pained look from my words before she sighs and explains, "Well, this Heaven
is
a bit of an outlier as far as I can tell. Most are like the Empress said when she challenged them, generally autonomous and hands off about their rulings, judgements, and tribulations. But it's also true that this one is far from the only one with a...
personality
. Most of the time, created Heavens will be a little off mark in some form or fashion, the personality of the Immortal creator bleeding into them to an extent, while natural Heavens or Heavens created by a Heavenly Layer will be much more robotic and devoid of emotional inputs."
As always, more questions start to form from the answers she gives. Not that its really her fault this time, this just seems like a wildly complicated subject that someone could spend their whole life going over. Ios continues on, "As for where Ilya and I were before hand, we were actually in a different dimension. I think I've mentioned this to you before, but beings like us reside in a kind of dual state. We can traverse any dimension, for a time, but eventually we have to return to the same plane of existence that we were born at, otherwise we can splinter and lose ourselves, along with the majority of our power.
That's what Ilya was studying to fix, actually. While most of us didn't care about spending eons in the fractal void, just slowly floating along and regaining our energy so we could spend a couple millennia out amongst the lower universes other creations, some of us were quite bored. Not to mention it wouldn't be uncommon for an accident to occur, or even one of us just simply taking that boredom to its natural conclusion and just... opting to cease existing after one last hurrah."
Ios looks to me with a concerned look, hesitating on continuing her explanation before she softly asks, "I know that we've had a fight about this already, and I want you to know that I still am sorry that we brought the both of you here without consent. And then had such a wild first couple of weeks due to some of those unforeseen problems following that. But, please try not to get too upset by what I'm about to tell you. I promise it's not as bad as it's going to sound at first, and I just want to be honest with you."
"Well
that's
ominous." I reply in a somewhat joking deadpan, but I can't deny that a little bead of trepidation settles inside of me despite my best efforts. I'm about to learn the entire reason Sandra and I got scooped, and while I know now that it's certainly a blessing, its still incredibly dangerous and comes with its own set of problems that I have to live with now, regardless of whether I wanted it or not. But... I owe it to Ios to at least hear her out on this. She's been nothing but straightforward and honest with me, even going so far as to genuinely fall in love with me and I her. "I promise to hear what you have to say, Ios. I won't get mad just from you being honest with me,
okay?"
She breathes out a small breath before looking me dead in the eyes, her words coming out careful and measured in the soul scape around us. "Ilya - and mind you, this is me recounting what she told me. I can barely grasp some of what she said when she started getting really technical about shit - thought that if we could harmoniously tether ourselves to beings of different dimensions, that we could
in theory
not have to be bound by the time limit. On top of that, it would likely ease another one of our problems: stagnation and rampancy.
It is quite the feat for beings like us to stay sane, spending the majority of our life in essentially hibernation while the concepts of reality buzz about in our ear like mosquitoes. Always wanting to be unleashed, always wanting to create and destroy as the whim takes us. Ilya and I were brought into existence together many thousands of years ago, the last of our kind to be birthed.
We... our kind is nearly
extinct
, Amelia. The last remaining of us are my sister and I, Cthulhu, and a couple others that have long ceased having names. Becoming more concepts than entities anymore, the last stage of existence for our kind. And, let's be real, Thu-Thu is nearly there himself. He bought some time with his latest Earth adventures, but he can't keep that up forever.
Ilya thought that by learning and gaining perspective alongside a bonded - truly soul bonded - lifeform that we could... reset I guess you would say. Like shaking an etch-a-sketch, we could erase all of the built-up hiccups and whispering corruption from ourselves and gain stability back in our psyches. We're both still young enough, in the grand scheme of things, that we didn't really have to worry about that to begin with, but Ilya is nothing if not a worrier, so she devoted all of her efforts to this goal. To you and Sandra."
"W-why?" I choke out, the heavy weight of not only having to bring back and heal Sandra, survive in this new world, make peace about my soul's past life as a deity, and now save essentially the last two people of an entire race?! It's just... It's too much... I float back down to a sitting position, my head hanging between my bent knees as I repeat the question in full, "Why us? Why Sandra and me? I know you said because of the connection we had, but Ios, we are just two girls from the middle of nowhere. We may have been gods or something in the past, but that isn't who we are anymore. Do you realize how fucking heavy this is? On top of everything else right now?"
I sense Ios float in front of me and wrap me in a hug, her four arms coming across and stroking my back in calming patterns before she answers, "I know, honey. I'm... I'm
sorry
. I wanted to wait to tell you when you had more time to adjust, more time to take care of some of the immediate problems in front of you, but you deserve to know. And honestly with how quickly you're progressing, I would have spilled the beans sooner rather than later."
I lean back as she breaks the hug, her hands still coming to rest on my shoulders and arms as she keeps talking gently, "You and Sandra were chosen by Ilya for a multitude of reasons, one of them being the connection you shared with each other. Ilya and I... well, we aren't
quite
connected like that, but we are
very
close to each other, and she wanted to make sure that we had a secure bond when she enacted the plan. But, aside from that, both of us saw just how much potential you and Sandra had, and how unfair and cruel the world was toward you.
Honestly Aims, the plan was
never
for either of us to get this involved with your life when you got here to Mara. We were mostly meant to be advisors, to help explain the system to you and help you advance and grow as you both got a second chance to be together in a new world free from the stigma's, suffering, and economic as well as ecological fragility of Earth. And while the two of you grew, we would watch and study, using the connection to your souls, as well as the connection you shared between yourselves, to further solidify our existence in this plane so that we wouldn't be forced to go back to that dying and poisonous place.
But... well, you know what happened. I couldn't just leave you alone, at the mercy of our
screw up
. And I'm sorry we screwed up, more than I have
ever
been about anything. That was the last thing I wanted to happen. I wanted you to just be happy and live your life with Sandra and whoever else you two choose to include, to go on adventures and grow powerful together, to truly live a life that was taken from you by fate and cruel tricks of evolution. But once I knew that wasn't going to happen, I decided to be there for you as much as I could. To help you in any way I thought would benefit while giving you space to grow and learn, and in the process... I fell in love with you too."
She sniffles a little as she wipes away a small drop of silvery liquid from her eyes. "Trust me, that development was
certainly
not in the cards originally! I've always been a bit of a troll; I absolutely
love
messing with Ilya and teasing her until she gets all huffy and upset~. She makes the cutest faces so its always worth it~!
*Ahem*
All that to say, is that I know I can be a lot sometimes, but I quickly found myself believing in all of those flirty antics, feeling my heart swell with pride and joy when you succeeded or came to terms with something you were working through. Feeling it flutter when you flirt back or give me such kind and thoughtful words even though I'm the one that's supposed to be offering them to you. Watching you face every challenge head on, and even if you stumbled sometimes I always knew you'd get back up again and you've never proven me wrong there.
So... yeah... Again, I'm sorry about a lot of things, Amelia, but I just want you to know that I'll always do my best to make it up to you. When I can fight my naturally chaotic nature, of course~." She ends with a little wink and smirk, trying to ease some levity back into the fold which I appreciate. To say it's a lot of information to process would be an understatement, but not for a single second to I sense any kind of hesitation or insincerity coming from her when she says just how sorry she is about everything. It helps that we had this conversation here, the intimacy of this space making it obvious to know that deep in her heart she still is worried about how I will react, and that underneath her usual flirty and teasing personality is someone who without a doubt truly does love me.
I lean over to wrap her in a hug once more, my smile easy and pure as I call to her softly in the echoey voice of the soul avatar, "
Thank you
, for telling me all of this. And for how you feel about me, again. I... I don't blame you anymore for how I got here, Ios. I still want an apology from Ilya for how badly she fumbled all of this, but I know even
that
was somewhat out of her hands. Even with that in mind, I can't help but feel grateful that I'm here now, that Sandra will be here soon too, and that we'll be together again. Something that is
only
possible because you two brought us here. So no, I'm not upset about that part of it anymore."
I ease back a touch to show her my deepened smirk as I add on, "All that other shit
is
kind of crazy though~. I wonder just how much world altering information, hopes, and dreams you're going to throw my way before you're satisfied missy~." We both laugh a few times, the tension bleeding away between beats of joyous breath as we hold each other, Sandra's resting form floating above us like an immobile star. After we collect ourselves, I stand up and turn to that radiant beacon one more time before quietly issuing my promise out into the void, hoping that she hears it somehow. "I'll figure out what to do, Sandy, and then come right back and heal you as much as I can. I
promise
. You just keep resting your pretty little head and let me take care of you for once."
Getting the memo, Ios stands up beside me, offering her hand which I look down to take as we both teleport back to the flow model once more. Just when Ios is about to say something again, no doubt either some words of encouragement or some teasing troll, but the universe will never know as I turn her around in a flash and lock our lips together in a deep, long kiss. The sparks of pink, cherry, and gold dancing around us like fireworks in the night sky as we both moan from the sheer intensity that our dancing lips sends down our spines.
We meld and mesh together as the locking of lips continues, her sliding a pair of hands up and down my sides while the other pair reach out behind my neck, pulling us closer together as our heads move in concert with each other. My own hands sliding to her waist to pull her hips against me, the spikes of desire and want splintering out from the contact points in a near violent way as we float together. Soon enough, and all too quickly at the same time, we both pause our hasty make out session as our foreheads come to rest against each other, a soft giggle escaping Ios' lips as she just smiles happily back to me.
I return the smile, giving her one more peck as I say, "I love you too, even though you're the
biggest
troll I've ever met in my entire life. And even though you're basically some cosmic horror on the fringes of known reality. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, and that includes all of the bad and all of the good things that come with that fact. I know I'm still new to this, being in a harem or even just with more than one person at a time, but I know in my heart that I want you by my side, same as with Akiko and the girls too, when I get brave enough to start pulling those threads.
You make me feel so loved and happy, when you're not being a tease or a blunt jerk about stuff, but honestly even those qualities just make you more endearing to me overall. It's nice to know that you have
flaws
, that maybe someday I can help you too like you've helped me this whole time. Even if that's not the case, I'll always be here for you like you are for me, and I promise to do whatever we need to do to make sure you and your sister don't ever go back to that awful place. I love you~."
Ios lets loose a couple tears as we go back in for a hug, resting each other's heads on our shoulders as we let the colorful emotions ebb and flow around us without restraint. Eventually, Ios gives a small sniff and then puts us back at arm's length, her smile still radiant and eyes full of hope and love. "Thank you, Amelia. You're always such a sweetheart with words when you get all serious and emotional~. Hehe~." I give her a deadpan as I begin weighing if I made the right call here after all... "Do you want to go talk to the Empress now? Or, I guess ask her to show up in a dream again? I'm not sure how you guys interact with each other when you're not putting divine entities in the dirt."
I sigh as I ruffle her troublemaker head, eliciting small happy squeals as she lets me do so. "Troll. But yeah, I do want to. Last time I just kind of...
asked
my soul but I honestly don't know how to do that now that I made my avatar. Maybe I just need to meditate and focus on my core or something?" I finally let Ios free from her deserved punishment, her glowing grin evident of the effectiveness of it as she gives me a shrug in answer.
"Couldn't hurt, I guess. You two seem to have a pretty insane amount of attunement to each other, for obvious reasons of course, so as long as you focus your intent on trying to make contact, she should hear you." She says in response after thinking about it for a few seconds. I nod, giving her another kiss on the cheek before crossing my legs and focusing in on myself for the second time today, my mind still abuzz with anticipation about finally making progress with Sandra again~.

Understanding and Purpose – Ch 90