Is This How You Use a Self-Destruct Switch?!-Chapter 19 : What Exactly Does the Switch Turn On?

If that glaring red "unread" could still preserve a trace of weak flame in Tsuan's heart—
'Maybe Reiko is just too busy and didn't see it. As long as she sees it, she'll definitely…'
Then at this moment, the word "read" burned into her retinas like a brand was like a basin of bone-chilling ice water, instantly extinguishing that last flickering hope.
This world had just shown her the beauty of gentleness and harmony, yet was so stingy that it wanted to take back all the warmth it had briefly bestowed upon her, along with that false sense of belonging.
The sun sank into the horizon. Tomorrow it would still rise as usual, coating this city with happy golden light.
The last traces of warm-colored afterglow fell futilely on Tsuan's lowered head, like silent pity.
Amber and Megumi's carefree laughter leaked through the closed door crack, clearly surrounding her ears, echoing in her empty chest cavity, over and over, coldly reminding her.
You don't belong here.
The cool evening breeze gently brushed across the street, rolling up a few fallen leaves that spun and drifted down beside Tsuan's feet.
The streetlights lit up at the right time, their warm yellow halos gently enveloping the pedestrians heading home, also falling on Tsuan, as if silently urging her.
Now, it's time to go back.
"Mm, go home."
Tsuan softly echoed the advice, though it sounded more like she was talking to herself. Her voice was as light as a feather, weightless and emotionless.
She took one last look at that tightly closed door. Warm light leaked from the windows, and she could still faintly hear Amber's clear laughter when she was amused, and Megumi's vibrant, sunshine-warm voice responding.
Those voices wove together into a sweet home of friendship, a small world she could only see but could never touch no matter what.
They were so real, so beautiful, yet no longer had anything to do with her.
She turned around, not looking back again.
This is how it should be, isn't it?
Her smooth black hair slid down from beside her ears, covering half of the girl's cheek, but couldn't hide the hot liquid continuously falling.
She comforted herself that this didn't matter... because it had been like this before. For such a long time... hadn't she persisted on her own?
'It's just... that they can't see me, right?'
I've long gotten used to this kind of thing!
She showed a sunny smile to the puddle by the roadside and gave it a few teardrops, wanting to exchange them for a smile... like Megumi-chan's, one with comforting qualities.
Even if it could just make me a little happy...
The puddle accepted the tears but only returned a few ripples that shattered the reflection.
"..."
Well, so be it.
After all, it's always been like this.
Megumi had brought her to an unfamiliar neighborhood, then completely forgotten her.
But this didn't stump Tsuan.
Her phone had navigation, and...
She probably wouldn't come to this area again anyway, so she wouldn't get lost again.
Her bulging pocket made the process of fishing out her phone somewhat difficult. The already irritated girl grabbed forcefully at the thing taking up over ninety percent of her pocket space.
The fluffy texture made Tsuan freeze, then... the magical girl doll Reiko had given her yesterday was pulled out with one hand.
Its smile appeared especially brilliant under the streetlight's illumination, like a real magical girl, reminding Tsuan of the beauty and happiness of this world.
But at this moment, accompanying Tsuan besides this doll... was only the elongated shadow on the ground.
Shadow Tsuan was also holding a shadow doll. Tsuan crouched down and gently poked her.
She poked back.
At least this way, she could feel like she still had a friend.
"How many times have I told you, there's a meeting today, a meeting! Why didn't you come again? You never come every time! Are you working overtime again?"
The familiar voice made the girl who was entertaining herself tremble all over. She looked up and around but didn't find the student council president anywhere. She followed the voice to search... finally confirming that a car slowly driving along the roadside was the source of the sound.
The driver was going very slowly, so much so that Tsuan could easily keep up. Through the half-open car window, she confirmed.
Her good friend was inside.
Reiko was talking to someone, seemingly not getting the answer she wanted, and finally hung up the phone, puffed up her cheeks, and leaned back against the chair in sulky frustration.
Originally hesitating about whether to open the door to... take a look at Reiko, or sit beside Reiko for just a little while.
But her friend's disappointed tone became a high wall blocking her path.
The fingertips that had already reached the car door handle were withdrawn by Tsuan. The tears that had just stopped once again filled those red eyes.
"Keep it up, Reiko."
The phone with navigation turned on vibrated slightly, prompting Tsuan to turn left ahead.
But Tsuan still wanted to look at Reiko one more time, so she ignored the navigation's prompt and tried hard to look into the car window.
"Don't be so angry, meow. She's a big star, being busy is normal, isn't it, meow?"
Tsuan's steps suddenly stopped, causing her unprepared body to stumble and nearly fall.
So Reiko was also with other good friends...
Ah, ah...
"Goodbye! Reiko!"
Not wanting to disturb Reiko, Tsuan no longer followed the vehicle, quickening her pace to part ways with her friend at the next intersection.
"But how long has it been since she came? Every time, doesn't she leave all the organization's work for me to do?"
The black cat waved its paw at her.
"You worked hard, meow, but she's really busy, meow."
Yes, yes, yes, she's busy to death! I'm not busy at all...
The executive miss who was only complaining about her colleague on the surface reached up to tidy her hair, making herself look less childish before opening the video call.
A few seconds later, the other party answered the call. But the camera showed nothing.
"Invisibility Monster, you can show yourself now."
As the words fell, a tall figure slowly seeped out from what looked like a pure white wall in the center of the screen, gradually taking shape.
It was covered in a huge black cloak that completely swallowed its body from head to toe. Not a single trace of limb contour could escape that profound darkness and be exposed to Reiko's view.
Only that patch of pure black announced its existence while firmly hiding its true nature.
Just like the Grim Reaper in movies.
But Reiko just raised an eyebrow and continued asking.
"Weren't you a ghost last time? How did you become the Grim Reaper this time?"
The cloak swayed a few times as if embarrassed, then turned around, using the air to 'pick up' a whiteboard marker and write on the 'wall' behind it.
"Because an old lady got scared by me last time."
"Isn't this outfit even more frightening?!"
That said, Reiko's purpose wasn't to complain, so the topic quickly returned to normal.
"Ahem, currently speaking... the volunteer work you're doing at the nursing home has made many grandfathers and grandmothers very satisfied, so the organization is rewarding you with double pay this week."
Reiko took the survey forms from the black cat's paws while praising it.
"They said they always feel like there's an invisible child helping them with housework."
The Grim Reaper on the other end of the phone began floating around in the air to show its joyful mood.
Reiko also continued flipping through the comments page by page and reached a rather miraculous conclusion.
"You actually don't have a single bad review?"
Reiko carefully looked through the questionnaire again, her tone carrying a trace of barely detectable amazement.
This was simply a miracle—a monster that could only turn invisible had become the star volunteer at the nursing home.
Following her usual routine, she picked up the drink bottle she had bought recently, took a sip of warm milk tea, then continued with the main topic.
"Well then, Invisibility Monster... next time you should wear a mask. That way I'll not only know where your face is, but I can also call you Grim Reaper directly."
She lifted her chin toward the writhing dark cloak on the screen.
"If you don't want to continue shining brightly at the nursing home—though I think the grandfathers and grandmothers would really miss their 'invisible child'—the organization has many other positions that need 'special monsters' like you."
As Reiko expected, Mr. Grim Reaper... er, Mr. Invisibility Monster only listened halfway before frantically writing rejections on the whiteboard behind him. It seemed like he really enjoyed working here.
"Mm, the organization understands your thoughts. Well then, let's leave it at that... mm... next is personal request time."
After seriously announcing that Invisibility Monster could continue working at the nursing home, she changed the subject.
"Recently, a new magical girl has appeared in this area."
Invisibility Monster immediately wrote on the whiteboard behind him.
"I can't fight."
Reiko quickly told it to calm down to prevent this guy from forgetting to turn invisible and running out to scare the elderly.
"It's okay, we don't need you to do anything... it's just that this magical girl... is special."
Reiko searched for appropriate wording while seriously looking toward... the position she thought was most likely to be eyes under this cloak.
"She might also be able to turn invisible like you, so if you discover any clues, please to me immediately..."
Slightly trembling characters appeared on the whiteboard, showing Invisibility Monster's fear of combat, but it didn't refuse this task.
'Understood.'
Understood...?
"Let me add that this magical girl is very malicious. If you encounter her, please make sure to run away first no matter what, prioritize ensuring your own safety, then to me."
Very malicious...?
Reiko thought it would be scared, so she added that it was okay if it didn't want to do it, but it just used the still-trembling pen to write words Reiko couldn't understand at first.
"Will she bully old ladies?"
If this magical girl was Amber or Luna, then Reiko had already given the answer.
But this one...
No matter how Reiko described her, it was hard to remove the 'bastard' label from her, so she could only respond with silence.
"I understand..."
Invisibility Monster left text on the whiteboard one last time, then bowed to Reiko—it would have been better if it didn't look like a black plastic bag being blown away by the wind.
"Ensure your own safety no matter what... mm, when necessary you can seek help from other magical girls... that's it, goodbye."
The call ended. Reiko, who had actively thought of that person, began feeling nauseous again.
Fortunately, she had tissues in her pocket... but why were they used?
Could it be that I used these to wipe something at some point and forgot to throw them away?
"What's wrong, meow?"
"No, that's not right! How could I forget to throw away trash in my pocket!"
This must be someone else's prank...!
Who could it be?
Don't let me catch you, annoying person!'
She stopped the driver, walked to a nearby trash can, and threw all the used tissues from her bag that had been soaked with Tsuan's tears into it.
'This kind of joke is really annoying!
It was as if nothing had happened.
That girl who had stood in front of the shop window, whose hand was held by Reiko for comfort, whose tears were gently wiped away...
Actually didn't exist.
The cold key turned in the lock. The moment the door opened, Tsuan seemed to have exhausted her last bit of strength, sliding down along the door frame and finally collapsing softly on the cold floor of the entrance.
She didn't turn on the lights.
The city's light from outside barely outlined the blurry contours of the interior.
Absolute silence wrapped around her, heavy enough to almost suffocate.
There wasn't Megumi's energetic voice here, there wasn't Reiko's meticulous care, and there definitely wasn't the warmth produced by the friendship when they accompanied her.
There was only her own heavy, suppressed breathing, which sounded particularly harsh in the empty room.
Tears rolled down her cold cheeks, gathering at her chin, then smashing onto the smooth floor, leaving dots that quickly spread and quickly dried.
The feeling of loneliness—that icy seawater she had once forcibly suppressed with numbness and habit—now completely submerged her.
She had just tasted the sweetness of friendship. That brief but real warmth was now like poisoned honey, the toxicity of its backlash a hundred times more violent.
Megumi holding her hand... Reiko combing her hair...
Those scenes flashed madly in her mind. Every detail was terrifyingly clear yet distant like being separated by a thick glass that could never be penetrated.
She was isolated outside, like a ghost looking at the warm feast inside a shop window. No matter how much she longed, no matter how hard she pounded, she couldn't attract anyone's attention inside.
"Why... is it me... why is it me?!"
Broken gasps leaked from between her tightly bitten lips, carrying heavy nasal tones and desperate trembling.
"Clearly... clearly they all saw me... clearly they all smiled at me... clearly they all held my hand..."
She curled up, both arms tightly hugging herself, her fingernails almost embedding into the flesh of her arms, as if this could resist that bone-deep cold and emptiness.
"Megumi-chan... Reiko..."
She repeated her friends' names over and over. Every syllable was like a dull knife, repeatedly cutting that heart that had just been warmed by hope but was now riddled with holes.
She didn't know how much time passed. Her body trembled slightly from the cold and the spasms of crying.
She needed a fulcrum, anything that could prove this friendship truly existed.
In her confusion, she unconsciously fumbled in her pocket. Her fingertips touched that fluffy, warm existence—the magical girl doll Reiko had given her.
She gripped it tightly like grasping a lifeline. The doll's brilliant smile appeared exceptionally glaring in the faint light filtering through the window.
It reminded her of this world's 'beauty,' but this 'beauty' shut her out.
In another pocket was her phone, still with quite a bit of battery. A thought drilled uncontrollably into her mind: maybe... maybe look one more time?
Maybe Reiko... saw it.
With an almost self-torturing desire, she tremblingly unlocked the screen.
Faint blue light illuminated her tear-streaked face. Her finger hovered over the Line icon for a long time, finally pressing down with desperate determination.
○
A photo occupied the entire screen.
The selfie of her and Megumi.
In the photo, Megumi smiled with curved eyes, her blue hair flying in the wind. One hand intimately wrapped around her shoulder, one hand holding the phone, her cheek pressed tightly against hers.
And she, Nakana Tsuan, was slightly tilting her head, wearing a somewhat shy but genuine smile. Those red eyes were filled with pure happiness and peace of mind, the upward curve of her mouth was unprecedentedly natural and relaxed.
Sunlight had given them a warm golden edge. The background was the cherry blossom tree outside the campus window. Everything overflowed with the beauty of youth and the sweetness of friendship.
Tsuan's breathing suddenly stopped.
All the self-deception, all the "getting used to it is fine," all the pretending to be strong—everything was completely shattered before this photo.
The girl with the brilliant smile in the photo, and her at this moment—collapsed on the cold floor, drowned in tears, forgotten by the whole world...
Are the same person.
"Wu... uwaa!"
The pain accumulated to its peak finally broke through the blockade in her throat, erupting into a heart-rending cry. She could no longer bear this enormous disparity, this despair of being gently embraced by the world only to be cruelly pushed into the abyss.
She suddenly pressed the phone screen tightly against her chest, as if wanting to brand the warmth and smile from that photo into her cold body, but the cold screen case only brought deeper chill. Her other hand gripped the smiling magical girl doll even tighter, her knuckles turning white from excessive force.
She curled up on the cold floor, her body continuously trembling from violent sobbing. Scalding tears like a burst dam rushed down her cheeks, soaking her clothes and wetting the phone screen pressed against her chest.
That photo that had frozen brief happiness became blurry under the tears' soaking, just like her now fragmented world.
Only that irrepressible crying filled with endless grievance, pain, and feelings of abandonment echoed in the empty, dead silent room, over and over, telling of sorrows no one could hear.
Until...
Click.
That thing appeared before her.
The only evidence that could prove she was a magical girl, that... red button.
The switch that had started all of this.
Self-Destruct Switch.