Walking Disasters and Me-Introspections and Interpretations – Ch 24
My awareness slowly comes back to me after who knows how long. It feels like I've been out for days, but that's crazy right? I had only been awake for like, 2 hours tops by the time... Oh god. Memories begin to flood back to me in waves, crashing against my freshly awoken psyche. Of how I found and learned from the oddly expressive manuals that Ios had bought for me, learning how to take the first steps into cultivation by gathering Qi. Combining those Qi gathering techniques into one, universal solution that resonated with my being. And also... the odd feeling of superiority that came from it.
I've never acted like that in my life! I've never felt like the world owed me something, that I deserved some kind of... feudal respect from others. Hell, I barely had the courage to speak up half the time back on Earth! But that doesn't change how
right
it all felt when I began the process of building my channels, soul, and body. It's like there were two Amelia's, or at least a vastly different side of me that had been unlocked once I studied those scrolls.
And the mania after I started fighting the Heaven here! I couldn't even say that wasn't me, because the terrifying part of it is that in the moment I
loved
it. The adrenaline, the action of fighting, of feeling strong enough to stand on my own and flip the bird to whoever pissed me off. Hell, I still feel that power coursing through me, just without the accompanying warped personality at least for now. Thankfully, the one thing that seems to be consistent between myself and this new... royal alter ego... is that we're both not a big fan of pain. Sure, I took it on the chin when those couple of bolts slipped through, but I still
hated
feeling hurt. Honestly, I think it drove my manic mind even further down the rabbit hole...
As I'm about to continue self-diagnosing and processing the events from earlier, I hear Ios' high pitched voice chime into my head with a soft, concerned tone to it. 'Hey sweetie. I can see you're awake now going by your brain activity. Either that, or you are having the most lucid dream in all of recorded reality, hehe~! If you want to talk, Akiko and I are here in the room with you. She's studying some tomes and scripts that I asked her to look into while you've been out. Oh, its only been about half a day or so since your little rumble with the Heavens so it's still nighttime outside. I'll let you decide when you want to pop up, but eventually we all do need to talk. You're not in trouble, I promise, but needs must and all that.'
I feel Ios' presence recede from my mind, which is a new thing I can do now apparently. I guess I'll be able to interact on a deeper level with her as my soul grows stronger and maybe I'll be able to notice different things in general as I gain strength. I sigh mentally as I prepare myself to face the music and confront my stupid actions with the two people that have the unenviable task of watching out for my dumbass.
I open my eyes and take in ceiling above the bed that I had used at sunrise today. Still can't quite get over just how fucked my sleep cycle is right now... I can feel that I'm still dressed in my fancy getup with the super soft blankets covering me, and that I've been cleaned from all the dried blood and I assume sweat that must have happened while I was fighting. Considering Akiko is the only one of the two mentors that has a physical body, I blush immediately and deeply in true Aims fashion.
I turn my head on the comfy pillow to look at the rest of my new bedroom. The soft brown wood that isn't covered by various padded white mats or colorful fabric carpets adds a comforting feel to the space, while the pure white light of the crystals above illuminates the room. In the far back corner, I can see Akiko sitting on the wonderfully carved chair by the smallish work desk, several scrolls and books open as if she is constantly reading between them. Her serious, focused face makes me smile as it causes the cutest little wrinkle between her eyebrows that I'm sure she would get mad about if someone told her. Unfortunately, I can't seem to stop myself from causing trouble, maybe Ios' troll like nature is rubbing off on me?
"You look so cute when you focus so hard Akiko~ You get this adorable wrinkle riiiiight between your eyes, right here~" I say softly but with a smart-ass tone as I raise my hand and point directly to the space between my azure eyes. Instead of the playful feigned annoyance I thought she'd have, I watch Akiko startle slightly and then faster than I can see she is instantly in front of my still prone form with a hand on my forehead. Her body bends at the waist so that her ample chest is dangling right in front of me, the line of deep cleavage exposed clearly by her kimono.
I blush even more furiously and swallow slightly, the heat of the blood rushing to my cheeks, as I finally tear my gaze upwards toward her face, which I notice now is staring directly at me with a smirk on her lips showing I had been caught red handed. Her voice hums out in a sultry but still gentle tone, "Ara~ Maybe all my worry was for naught, it seems you are
very
much still fully yourself my dear~ Levity aside, how are you Amelia? Your tribulation was... unique does not begin to describe what happened. Spirit Ios and I have been researching various subjects while you recovered to ensure we had sufficient answers for you upon your awakening, but perhaps it would be best for you to tell us what you felt and what exactly happened during the trial."
Her first playful statement is also accompanied by a wink and a couple of soft tail tips playfully tickling my face, before her serious tone gives way to the pressing issue that we all need to address. Well, that I need to explain and then they need to tell me how much I fucked up. I know Ios said that I wasn't 'in trouble', so I assume they arn't mad at me, but I'd be an idiot if I think I wasn't getting some kind of scolding after this. With a heavy heart, I nod once to Akiko and move to sit up so that I can receive my lashings properly.
Perhaps picking up on my beaten down look and mood, I feel Akiko gently move her hand from my forehead to my chest, just below my neckline. She gently pushes me back down from my attempts at proper speaking posture, and I look up to her with a confused arch to my eyebrows before she elaborates, "Stay resting for now my dear, at least until your spirit and I hear what transpired. I'm sure spirit Ios told you that the fault is likely not your own, or at least not entirely as it were, but we need to understand what happened to determine our, and your, next steps for cultivation."
I feel the slight bit of doubt seep into me at her words, which makes no sense when I think about it. Why would either Akiko or Ios lie to me about being in the doghouse, all they've ever tried to do is help me. Sure, Ios went about things in a kind of fucky way a couple of times, and Akiko apparently was getting lust bombed just as much as I was when we first met. But both of them have been stellar models to follow, and beyond helpful teachers so far. So... Why is this so hard? I look over my status page, thinking something might be amiss that I'm not thinking about. Everything looks somewhat the same, with
a lot
of higher numbers now, but the thing that sticks out to me the most is the Active Status Effects.
Active Status Effects: ... [Shame (Overwhelming, Stagnate)] ...
Yeah, that tracks. Honestly, I really shouldn't have needed to look that one up. But to be fair to myself, Akiko and Ios are waiting on me to go over what happened, I don't exactly have a lot of time to process my feels right now. As if to further cement that thought, I hear Ios' voice sound out into the room, "Everything good Aims? If you need to rest more Akiko can slip you a sleeping pill or something." Akiko nods a couple times at Ios' statement, her tails gingerly laying on top of me for comfort and warmth, which she knows I love.
I smile slightly, kicking myself for even thinking that these two would ever be dishonest like I was imagining earlier, or judge me for something that even I found out of my control. I smile softly before petting one of the beyond fluffy white tails with one of my hands, my low voice finally entering the conversation, "No, I'm okay. Sorry, I was feeling a bit off still, but I figured out why I was in a funk. I guess I should start at the beginning? When Ios bought those three manuals?" I ask out to both women, with Akiko once again giving a soft nod of her head still with a gentle smile on her face as her hand moves back up to gently stroke my hair.
Ios seems to be in the mood for being dramatic, as she projects a fancy therapist chair and plops down in it. Her usual plain clothed form now has a very professional blouse and slacks, with dark black, pointed, flat heeled shoes. Her curly golden hair is done up in a very attractive high ponytail, as she uses one of her hands to push the now thin rimmed glasses further up her cute button nose. Two of her hands hold open a binded notepad while the other taps a pen thoughtfully against it. I honestly can't tell if she is exploiting the fact that I had a crush on one of my therapists or if she is just being her usual cheeky, troll like self...
I decide to shelve that issue for now before telling them my side of the events that went down. "So, as soon as you put the talisman on me Akiko, I felt what Ios described I should feel. Three foreign signatures popped up inside of... well not inside of me per say, but like inside of my being. But the weirdest thing was, is that the closer I got to those manuals, the more familiar and at home they felt inside of me. I interacted with all of them individually, and they are basically people by the way. They understood emotions, thoughts, and intention, as well as some more esoteric things like respect and formalities.
Anyways, after I learned from each of their paths about how they gather Qi, I was about to start performing the techniques as quickly as I could before they stopped me and sort of... linked up? Thats the best way I can describe it. They unfurled their scrolls again, showing their techniques and placed them nearly on top of each other. When they did, I felt this kind of epiphany come over me and I instantly knew what they were trying to show me.
I realized that the three techniques are actually pieces of a whole, and that they are all meant to be used together. Once I figured out the
how
of it all, the system merged the techniques for me into a one size fits all Qi gathering method that fills my body, soul, and spiritual needs at the same time. Thats also when I started to feel something I've never felt before. All of the scrolls had a sense of... domination about them, or royalty in some cases, even their names are monarchal! Once I started to understand and use the combined technique, I started to feel that way too,
especially
with my soul.
I kind of lost myself to the creation of my connection between the dantian and my soul, and the process of filling everything with Qi until that first lightning bolt hit me. Speaking of! Why was [4 Leaf Clover] still active Ios?? I thought you were going to instantly buy the manual for the Sect Leader?" I say as I take a break from my rambling. I'm not trying to pull an Ios and spill out a whole ass lecture all in one go!
The being in question responds calmly, "Well, I would have if I wasn't a bit worried about what the Heaven was going to do. When Akiko and I noticed how intense the tribulation was going to be, I kind of... made the executive decision to hold onto the last activation of the skill. I didn't know how receiving the full amount of damage may have messed with you in your trance like state, and I'm glad I did if you really were as deep in as you're saying you were."
She turns to Akiko before bowing slightly and continuing, "I am sorry for not following through with our deal Akiko, and for not discussing my actions prior to it happening. But it was all moving quite fast, and I had to make a split-second decision for Aims' safety. I hope you can understand, and I promise in a month we will spend just as many points as we did for Aims' manuals on the one for the Sect Leader. Hell Amelia," She puts her focus back on me as she says, "I'd even suggest we buy a body manual too and make sure both Akiko and the Sect Leader can use them. It only makes sense since she's going to be yours and Sandra's teacher from here on out anyway."
I think about that for a second, but I do kind of agree. With how rapidly I am power scaling, there will likely be a point where Akiko will fall off and not be able to effectively help me anymore. Besides that, I want her to keep being the strongest, most blood thirsty yet gentle mommy dommy fox woman that I am growing to care for deeply~ God, I get horny as hell after fighting off lightning apparently...
"I think that's a great idea Ios, I'm all for it!" I smile happily back at the projection before regarding Akiko once more, now noticing her stunned, flabbergasted face. Her eyes are wide as dinner plates with her eyebrows cartoonishly almost meeting her hair line, as her mouth hangs open in a large O of surprise. I cant hold back my laughter as I reach up and smush her face a bit with both hands before saying, "Oh my gosh, you make the cutest expressions sometimes Akiko~ Of course I want to help you and the Sect Leader, don't be so surprised!"
The sudden smushing seems to do the trick as Akiko shakes her head a few times, also dislodging my hands, and responds to the room, "Truly? I cannot deny that the thought of gaining access to such knowledge is beyond tempting, but I know how much resources that would require from you Amelia. You must still think of Sandra in all of this, she will likely come into the world as a mortal just as weak as you were originally. While myself and my girls will always strive to keep you safe, and the area around us secure, no one can definitively say what the situation will be in a months' time. Well, no one but a fate cultivator, but almost all of them are certifiably insane. No one can keep sanity in control when gazing into the abyss of probability for long."
Well,
that
was fucking ominous. I'll just... table that discussion for a later time... "I'm sure Akiko, but the amount of care and thoughtfulness you always show me is really melting my little no longer mortal heart~ We can go over more specifics of that later though, but I promise you that that is the plan going forward now. To get us back on track, after the first lightning bolt hit me, I got
pissed
. Like, an anger I have never felt before. I think with this new... royalty complex that I was building from comprehending all the manuals and stuff was starting to really pop off after that.
I got angry and shouted at the Heavens and then started the slugging match of the century with them as they responded. After I failed to cleave the third bolt and got hit by the remnants of it, I figured out how to access and affect the system from my soul. I ventured that Ilya likely had built some connection point there, and going by how you and her are both tied to our souls Ios. Luckily, I assumed correctly that the connection point was also floating around in that space.
Anyway, after I made the connection, I realized that I had basically blown through all of the Realms of the 1st Rank and racked up a shit load of Ability Points to spend. I split them between Strength and Dexterity, going with the old motto "a good offense is a good defense", and went back to my anti lightning crusade. I could easily beat them now, and even though another one still snuck up on me, I finished the fight basically in good condition.
The thing is, the entire time I started getting more and more... I don't know. Lost?" I say with a scared, timid voice. The idea of confronting my head state during that whole debacle terrifying me all over again. "Like I wasn't quite myself, but still at the same time exactly who I always was. It was kind of the same feeling as when I met the manuals, like I mentioned. They felt like missing puzzle pieces of my entire being, finally being placed back again. At the time, I remember feeling so electric and manic at the
power
I was putting out. I had damage numbers in the
millions
Ios!!"
I shiver slightly again at the memory, a tiny, soft moan escaping my lips. I blink twice before my face becomes bright red and I quickly hide my face behind my hands. From behind my hastily constructed fleshy shield, I mutter out loudly to the group, "What the
fuck
is going on with me?! I didn't feel like this with the bears! I don't understand this, and its honestly terrifying me right now! I don't know why I felt like some... some... Queen, sneering up at the clouds because they dared to block the sun, or why the thought of feeling so powerful and strong is legitimately making me wet right now!!" I choke out the last little bit in a sob, as my hands slide down to reveal my freshly tear streaked face.
Akiko, bless her heart, dives straight to me, resting my head directly over her breasts before giving me the tail cocoon maneuver. I cry and sob and try to choke out words as my hands swing around her back to push her into me, but she just gently holds my head to her chest while giving soft shushing sounds as she strokes my hair. Ios stays quiet during all of this, but I can feel her in my mind again, probably poking around at my hormones and brain chemicals to try and see what's going on.
We all stay like that for a few minutes until I'm just calmly laying across Akiko's ample bosom. I am seriously getting tired of breaking down at every turn since I've been here. At least these last few episodes have been almost normal reactions to stuff instead of full-on panic attacks. I guess the titles and skills are really putting in overtime for my messed-up mind...
Akiko finally lets me pull back as she wipes away my cheek and nose with her sleeve, then uses her Qi to clean her kimono afterwards. She gently holds my face in her hands as she starts speaking to me with care in her voice and etched onto her face, "My dear, sweet Amelia. We are going to figure out the how and why of it all, trust us on that. Spirit Ios and I are by your side through all of this and more, rest assured of that my dear. I do have a possible explanation of at least a piece of the problem, and I want both you and spirit Ios to consider my words before instantly dismissing them just because Amelia has seen so little combat in her life so far." She looks to both Ios and me waiting for our answer. I press my head against one of her hands and nod, my eyes staying locked on to her gorgeous face as she looks off to the side briefly.
Apparently Ios also gives an affirmative as Akiko's purple orbs look back to me softly, her characteristic motherly smile resting across her ruby lips, "I think you are like me, my dear. You are a Berserker."
Introspections and Interpretations – Ch 24
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