Walking Disasters and Me-Facing the Past – Ch 25

Walking Disasters and Me-Facing the Past – Ch 25

I tilt my head in confusion at Akiko's statement, my long red hair moving to flow down my shoulder as I ask questioningly to the group, "Like... a viking berserker? Weren't those guys just hopped up on magic mushrooms and an incredible thirst for violence?" Ios laughs loudly a couple of times before she responds to my question, still in her therapist persona.
"While yes that is technically true for Earth berserkers, a Berserker here on Mara is a bit different." She looks over to Akiko while giving a small nod before continuing, "Why don't you explain it Akiko, seeing as how you are one yourself. I'm curious to see if your idea has any weight with Aims myself."
Akiko bows her head a little toward Ios and then looks back to me. She lays me back down on the bed to get comfortable before scooting up and sitting on the edge of the bed near my stomach. Once I'm comfortable, she lays all 6 of her tails across my body making a furry, heavenly scented blanket of bliss. I close my eyes in rapture, which I can hear makes Akiko giggle softly before her smooth downy voice comes out again, "While it is still just an observation until we see how it resonates with you my dear, I think you will find it factual by the end of my explanations. A Berserker is someone who truly, deeply relishes in combat, power, and strength, and it doesn't necessarily have to be the Berserker performing the feats for it to affect them. The ways this can manifest are slightly varied, but nearly every Berserker describes a feeling of intense, thick arousal when the battle lust comes over them.
For example, when you made a little crater in the clearing you had arrived in due to your rapid departure, I felt a hint of it come upon me even though I was not the one displaying the power simply due to the thought that a mortal could be that powerful. And I believe that you had a few similar reactions to when I was cleaning up the Elders at the Sect Hall. I could smell your arousal spike several times during it, which confused me a bit at the time until I started debating this exact scenario. After hearing you describe your feelings during your battle with Heaven, I can firmly posit that it is indeed the case.
Let me ask you this, my dear. When you are feeling powerful, or I suppose in your case when you see those large numbers appear once you have inflicted damage onto something, it not only furthers your desire to repeat the process but also heavily drowns you in arousal, correct?" She finishes as she waits for my answer, the closest hand to me reaching out to stroke the side of my head again. I nod sheepishly, a deep blush returning to cross my cheeks and bridge of my nose.
She smiles down softly at me before adding on, "It's alright my dear, there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. When you are in that aroused and focused state, did a feeling of glee also accompany it?" Once again, I nod before she keeps going, "And when you are feeling all three at the same time, you desired to lose yourself in the feeling of power, to fully sink in and let the chaos of your emotions envelope you?"
"Hit the nail on the head..." I say quietly in answer, I know she said not to be embarrassed but no one likes getting outed on their feelings when they're not ready to reveal them yet!
"A charming expression!~ I do love when transmigrators add to the lexicon!" Akiko smiles happily, her purple eyes squinting in joy before returning to look down at me. "Last piece to check my dear and then we can move on from this, what exactly was I doing that you found arousing back at the Sect Hall?"
I groan and try to hide my face under one of her tails, which she thankfully lets me do. My pitiful voice comes out muffled from under the fur, "Ugh, do I have to answer that Akiko? This is mortifying, and I'm pretty sure classifies as inhumane torture!" I feel the tail get moved back by its owner, just enough so that the top half of my heart shaped face becomes visible as she boops my nose.
"It is for your health my dear and I know it is uncomfortable, but I think all of us, including yourself, already know your feelings toward me well by now~" She finishes with a wink, this damn cheeky sexy fox! I groan once more, just to make sure my displeasure is well known, before finally giving in and answering her.
"
Fine!
*Sigh* At first it was just you being... sexy. The way you walked back to me, it was the most confident and powerful I had ever seen you act as of yet. Everything about you just exuded bad bitch energy and I got kind of lost in it. The other few times were when you were laying down the law on the surviving Elders or the new kids that came in to replace the freshly vacant positions of their bosses. Especially the poor Shadow Branch girl, I did feel bad for her a bit, but the way you just... dominated the conversation with her was... Like, I would
never
want you to act like that to me, but watching you be so commanding and having the other person bend to your will? Oh god..." My blush deepens as even recounting the events begins to work for me, and I can feel myself getting more and more turned on as the memory plays out.
I shake my head softly a few times before looking back up to Akiko, a knowing grin plastered on her face. It's so unfair that she can just smell or sense when she gets one over on me! Thats it, I'm asking Ios to look in the Shop for some skill to block her annoyingly perfect nose from telling her when I get horny!
Unaware of her impending doom, Akiko plods on, "My~ What an interesting choice of words to describe what affected you so my dear~ I shall surely have to remember this valuable information in the future..." She winks back at me before adding, "Well, I think my assessment is fairly certain at this point then. With your own admission, you clearly describe what new Berserkers feel and are attracted to, and surely while some of what you listed was likely just natural, simple arousal, the fact is that you felt those emotions in such a scenario and place. Most would consider having lustful thoughts while surrounded by the exploded gore of former politicians to be most uncouth, after all.
The good news is that there is nothing inherently wrong with being a Berserker. We are more than capable of being kind, caring, and thoughtful just the same as anyone and with enough control over ourselves, we are nearly unmatched in combat. The regretful part of this revelation is that you have yet another item to add to your list of mental burdens, which does bring some sorrow to me. It seems your journey continues to be one filled with obstacles and personal trials to overcome, sweet Amelia, but I will be here for you through it all.
You will need to learn to control your impulses when you are fighting, to not get fully submerged in the feelings of power and the lust that fills you as you fight. Nothing is more distracting on a battlefield than reaching your peak mid combat, trust my words on that..." She looks off to the side, probably replaying some intense memory. Must have been a good fight if it made Akiko weak at the knees...
She coughs slightly and then resumes her treatment plan, "We shall work on those feelings together, and discuss when the right time to remove the restraints we will be building should be, as well as how to channel that increased focus in your fighting techniques and styles. It is fortuitous that we met, my dear, as I don't think there is another Berserker on this continent." Akiko ends her statements with conviction, and I can see the seriousness in her eyes. It makes me feel a shit ton better to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way, and that its... well, not
normal
exactly, but a known condition. Like I'm not some freak of nature.
Before I can thank Akiko for her kind words and continued steadfast desire to help me, Ios pops back in with her two cents, "I agree with Akiko, Aims. I think, if it had just been the two of us, I would have eventually suggested something similar. Do you remember how wild you were when we left the clearing? Even at the time I could tell you were on a power trip, and I think it didn't really hit you with the bears because that fight was over so damn quick once you started swinging your spear. And also cause you weren't used to the... carnage... that can happen on this world yet, not to mention I think you shocked yourself when they just kinda
popped.
Honestly, it does kind of track for you. On Earth you never really had an opportunity to experience it, but I'd wager that if you had gotten into some kind of martial art or something, this would have come up. Probably not as intensely as it has here, of course, but to some degree at least. It would make sense that for you, feeling strong and sure of yourself would be an almost addicting feeling, one that probably would scare you initially since it went so far against what you are used to feeling.
On top of that, your predisposition to panic attacks and shutting down in stressful situations being suppressed by your titles and skills while still having the
feeling
of panic, fear, or pain while you're fighting only further drives the mania. That's also probably why the system didn't flag the Mania condition to you at the time, because it was active there for a few beats. You likely saw all of it as a positive. As the saying goes, a cornered animal always fights back, and if you can suppress your usual, learned response to shut down then your brain has only one other option available to itself: Fight."
That... all makes a lot of sense. Both Ios' thoughts and Akiko's. Once I allowed myself to cut loose and simply enjoy the feeling of being strong for once, all I wanted to do was stay in that feeling and let myself drop into the manic state even further. The only thing that stopped me from cackling out like some lunatic again was that it was all so happening so fast, and the bolts were so painful, that I still had to keep
some
level of focus. Hopefully we can figure out why I was feeling like some kind of emperor too, but at least this piece of the puzzle seems solved.
"Okay, I think you're both right. Like usual," I say as I stick my tounge out cutely in a mock pout, trying to lift the mood of the room a touch. It seems to work as I hear both women giggle softly before I reign in the fleshy pink appendage and chuckle myself. "I guess I'll have to rely even more on you in the future, Akiko, and my gratitude toward you seems like its not going to stop anytime soon! I suppose it's not so bad honestly, I'd rather feel horny and keyed up than locked up with fear during a fight. Besides... that part did feel
really
good." I blush once more at the end of my admission.
Akiko simply keeps her gentle look on her gorgeous face as she answers back, "Of course dear, this condition is honestly much more manageable to train and learn safe practices with than having a deep-rooted fear response, like you say. And of course it feels good darling, being in the Berserk state is considered to be one of the ways that we Berserkers can feel as close to our true selves as possible, at least while in mortal form. It is a boon if managed well, and a determent if not same as any other tool, weapon, or treasure, but it is intrinsically a part of yourself that you will come to accept more and more as time progresses." She ends off by giving me a kind smile before moving some of my stray bangs out of my eyes as she powers on.
"We can discuss those methods as we progress your training in the coming weeks and months, but for now let us move on past this subject since we have reached a satisfactory conclusion to it for now. While I love to learn more about you, my sweet Amelia, I am fascinated slightly more by the manual's interaction with you. Spirit Ios and I have been investigating some theories, as I had a suspicion when we were discussing Transcendent Rank items previously, and it seems you confirmed them at least partially." Akiko turns to Ios who nods back and then regards me, showing a list of different pages of information in her projection that seem a little too high level theorem based for me.
"What this cute fox and I have basically figured out is that she was more than correct that all items, treasures, and anything that has Qi basically has at least a simple intelligence. They would know if they want to be tied to someone based on their aura, they can protect themselves to a degree, things like that. What gets wild is that Transcendent Rank items can develop so much that they can be indistinguishable from people when absorbed into someone's soul. At least, that is what these pages here postulate, as Akiko has been reading out to me from various tomes from the Village's library and I have been compiling those notes and forming my own hypothesis.
Since Transcendent Rank items or treasures are vetoed here due to Heaven, we were kind of just forming a guess based on trends to be honest, but it seemed solid enough. And when you woke up and started explaining how intelligent the manuals were, it confirmed our theory then and there. When you reach the 6th Realm, Immortal status, those manuals and any other Transcendent Rank items or treasures you may have by then should actually, fully reveal their true power, namely gaining a humanoid form in your soul space. They'll also be able to converse with your soul, and if you get strong enough, you can make physical bodies for them. Again, this is conjecture, but from scattered s that the Village has from off world it seems to hold up.
On top of that, I had Akiko researching something else too..." She looks a little pensive about what she wants to talk about next, which makes a
little
drop of fear reach my stomach. Akiko is quick on the up take and administers more head pats from her hand while her tails wrap around me softly but firmly for comfort. God she is amazing~
Ios releases a small breath, for dramatic flair like always I assume, before taking off her projections thin rimmed glasses and setting them on a projected table. She is really pulling out the stops for this! Her curly, golden hair done up in the ponytail bounces slightly as she turns to face me again before stating whatever has got her so worked up, "Amelia, the way you describe those manuals and how they felt to you, coupled with the fact then when I was choosing them, even their weaker versions, the system seemed to prioritize them led me to a realization. I even tried looking for other options that
I knew were there
as I had been researching this for a while, but the system didn't let me view anything other than those three once we, or more than likely you, decided to go through with this plan.
When you said that they felt like a part of you being returned, I think... I think they were honey. On top of both of you also being transmigrators now, I think you and Sandra are both reincarnators with Intertwined Souls too. Not only that, but every item we seem to buy from the Shop has some theme going on behind it." She stops for a second and thinks, tilting her cute head a bit with a finger as she continues to shatter my world view as she is wont to do, "Well not the small shit like medicine or that weird ass sleeping bag, but you know what I mean. You confirmed it yourself, the system is tied directly to your soul, so it makes sense that it is railroading you a bit to what it thinks your soul desires.
On top of that, those feelings of royalty and superiority were likely coming from the manuals themselves, as they were no doubt a part of you at some point in time when you
were
regal and powerful. Hell, a version of you might have even created them in the first place! Honestly, Akiko and I don't know enough to say for sure one way or the other. While transmigrators may just be a bit uncommon, reincarnators are extremely rare as it can be hard to validate their claims until they get enough power to make everyone believe them anyway. The confirmed cases of them are wild though, because
holy shit Aims do they get powerful.
Now, I could very well be wrong and the system just decided to assign you a theme on a vibe check, but a lot of this situation would make sense if it were true. I know this is a huge bomb to drop on you, and I really am sorry sweetie, but I figured it would be best to be honest with you so that Akiko and I can help you through not only your battle lust but this as well. If you think I'm wrong, or that we need to investigate further, I fully understand. Just promise me at least to think it over, okay?" Ios gives a look to Akiko as she finishes and then nods her head subtly to me. Taking the hint, Akiko scoops me up a bit and rearranges us so that I'm laying on her lap now. Her calming head pats and strokes never cease the entire time as I now lay on the heavenly pillows of her soft, comfortable thighs. Ah, perfection~
Too bad I'm having a hard time enjoying all the pampering as Ios just nuked my mind again. I sigh mentally to myself, as well as out loud on accident, before my husky voice comes out in a deadpan, "You know, I'm not really surprised anymore. Sure, let's just add onto my plate that I'm apparently some reincarnated emperor goddess. 40k eat your heart out." I shake my head softly, which makes Akiko chuckle as I realize where my head is laying. Oh well, at least she's cool with it~ I turn and tuck in a bit, pressing my forehead against her tummy. My voice follows up a second or two later, weak and timid as I ask the biggest questions on my mind now.
"So what does that really mean then Ios? Am I even me? Am I going to like, get bombarded with some powerful past self's memories when I get strong enough? Will... Will I even remember Sandra and our time together?"
Active Status Effect gained [Panic (High, Growing)] Use Resolute Mind to suppress effect?
With another mental sigh, I select Yes. Curious, I look to my stamina pool to see how much it eats up to use for a high-level effect like that. And its not just because I want to distract myself from the existential horror I am facing right now, thank you very much.
Stamina Pool: 22,190 / 24,190
Wow, I knew my health jumped up a lot but that is fucking insane for stamina! Also, if high effects only take 2k then shouldn't I have been able to block all those effects when I came down after Akiko yelled at me? I guess Ios and I should go over that, I need to know what I can and can't do with the skill. Speaking of Ios, I can hear her chirpy voice of concern as it sings out into my mind directly.
'Amelia? You okay sweetheart? You kind of zoned out on us after you asked your questions. It doesn't look like a panic attack, but I can see you blocking the effect easily enough. We're here for you to talk to when you're ready, I'll tell Akiko you're fine and to keep ruffling your pretty hair~'
I smile softly and respond back to her in my head,
Yeah, I'm okay. Was just thinking about some stuff to distract myself for a moment, sorry. I'll come back now.
I turn to look up to Akiko, which is quite impossible due to my position in her lap as two large, plush mountains obscure her from me. I can't even be mad, really. I simply enjoy a different kind of view for a moment before speaking up again, "Sorry, was lost in the sauce for a second there but I'm okay. Did either of you answer the thoughts I had?"
Akiko leans forward some in a classic partial loom before her melodic voice fills the room, "I am glad you are still well my dear, I had worried you may have succumbed to another episode. Truthfully, spirit Ios and I debated for a good length of time as to whether we should inform you of her theory or not, and when. Her logic was sound, even if I was against it purely for emotional reasons. At any rate, yes, we did answer them before you become 'lost in the sauce' as you put it," She pulls a hand to her mouth to cover her quiet laughter, her eyes closing in mirth before she regains her composure and explains further.
"As far as we can tell from records, every situation is different for reincarnators. Strong willed ones simply override their previous personality, or merge harmoniously with their past self's identity and the new one they had forged. Others are reclaimed by their old selves, sometimes fully, but that seems to be very rare indeed as any soul strong enough to reincarnate is inherently powerful." She takes on a gravely serious look before she continues.
"You are a
strong
soul Amelia, and your connection to your beloved Sandra is stronger than anything I have ever seen in my many centuries of life. I have absolutely, positively no doubt that you will remain who you are intrinsically. It may even be beneficial to incorporate some of your manual's feelings and desires in the long run, but even if you do so I know that you will remain true to yourself. It may be contentious with those scrolls for now, a bit of a battle of wills so to speak, but always remember this:
You have people who love
you
and care for
you
, and you must prevail so that you can see Sandra once more in the flesh, safe and sound. So long as you hold onto that knowledge, nothing can shake you from yourself. Not even a past life's memories."
After she's done, Akiko uses her tails to lift me up, which oh
fuck
yeah~, and then gives me a nice, soul crushing hug with her arms and tails wrapped around me. My head gets slightly buried between her breasts, which, okay is it my birthday or something?? I need to have existential crisis's more often if this is the aftercare! I simply bask in the warm comfort of Akiko, her always present fresh clean scent filling my nose as I can hear her heartbeats rhythm being so close to her chest. Calm doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now~
I take in all of their words, feeling much better about the whole situation now. Akiko's constant pride and conviction that I can overcome the challenges ahead of me is always so damn heartwarming, I honestly have a hard time processing it. Ios has her moments sure, but Akiko is just something different all together, and I'm constantly glad we met in that dank damp cave, first impressions regardless.
"Thank you, both of you, for everything. You're right Akiko, so long as I always remember who I am and what is important to me, I shouldn't ever be afraid of losing myself. Either to some past life's memories or to my newfound horniness for blood and carnage." I look up to behold Akiko's motherly face once more as I follow up.
"Alright then, so what do we need to do for training? I'm ready to start this montage~"

.
!
Facing the Past – Ch 25